loveme2rate mefan mefriend me's blog: "Rules everyman should know(lol)"

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick......-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.The eel spit on her face a little bit and then, All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

When the fire trucks are delayed 40 seconds in traffic, People say: "It took them 20 minutes to get here." When the truck races at 40 m.p.h., it's: "Look at those reckless fools." When four men struggle with an eight-man ladder: "They don't even know how to raise a ladder." When firemen open windows for ventilation to reduce heat in fighting a fire: "Look at the wrecking crew." When they open the floor to get at a blaze: "There goes the ax squad." If the chief stands back where he can see and direct his men, people say: "He's afraid to go where he sends his men." If they lose a building: "It's a lousy department." If they make a good "stop" folks say: "The fire didn't amount to much." If lots of water is necessary: "They are doing more damage with water than the flames." If a fireman gets hurt: "He was a careless guy." If a citizen gets hurt: "It's a crazy department." If a fireman inspects a citizen's property: "He's meddling in somebody business." If he wants a fire hazard correct: "I'll see the mayor." If he gets killed and leaves a family destitute: "That's the chance he took when he joined the fire department. Firefighters Are..... Firefighters are those crazy people who run into a burning building when all others are running out. Firefighters are those people who wake up in the middle of the night to help an old lady, who fell out of bed. Firefighters are those people who work on half eaten meals because someone needed their help. Firefighters are those people who have a second family that seems just like a first family. Firefighters are those people who never usually get thanked for doing such a good job. Firefighters are those people who have to deal with people dying and people getting hurt. Firefighters are those people who have hearts bigger than the whole universe. Firefighters are those people who are always there in a moments notice when someone needs help. Firefighters are those people who may seem scary to little kids. Firefighters are those heroes that little kids always say that they want to be when they grow up. Firefighters are those people who are the unsung heroes. Firefighters are those people who very rarely get a "Thank You," but when they do it is always welcome. Firefighters are those people who are just always there Firefighters are those that lie their life on the line everyday for others. Firefighters are those people who are never selfish. Firefighters are those that are brave. Firefighters are those who go into a building to rescue a brother, without even taking in the consequences that lie ahead. Firefighters are those who are at once the most fortunate and the least fortunate of men. Firefighters are those who are constantly giving of themselves, and expecting nothing in return. Firefighters are those who must rise above themselves to conquer the most overwhelming situations. Firefighters sacrifice their lives so that others may live. Firefighters aren't heroes, they're just doing their job.

Important Rules For Men 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.