Maji's blog: "Life shtuff..."

Ive watched the different waves of disposition represented in the bartab today, ranging from the content, to the elated, to the opportunistic, to the contemptuous, to the down right wretched and gnashing.

And I realized that I had my ideas pretty much all along, but it was really reconfirming as to just how much disfunction resides in this place, often masked by portraying a very hardcore and inpenetrable persona.

I likened it to somewhat like your birthday per se, whereas you may say "eh, Im not planning on doing anything, no big deal", but yet at some point when the day arrives, it gets under your skin a bit, thinking that you should be doing something significant, or that someone else should have took the initiative, etc, and it either overcomes you with reflection or you quickly get past it.

Ive watched that very transition today, repeatedly. Ive watched it go from nonchalant to literally boiling out. They want ppl to see how they feel about it, else they would just log out as to not have to endure any triggers.

And thats not to say Im exempt from any such dwellings, but honestly, whatever loss or failure I may have suffered in the past, when you really break it down, I would not elect to have been devoid the happiness just to avert chance to lose or fail, because at one time, it was exactly what I wanted.

And I am grateful to have been given the chance to experience what I have had. I had a long marriage and raised a family. One could say life has given me all it owes me. I never really pictured myself being unmarried, but alas that is the course that was laid out for me.

I guess what Im highlighting here, is the futility and damaging effects of projecting past pain on the present, thereby seeping its way into the future, intervening any new discoveries, and emburdening them to hurdle this wreckage before it can even take anything resembling a natural course. And most importantly, enslaving and poisoning your peace of mind.

I for one, will not inflict that on anyone, nor will I endure it from anyone else.

Address the melancholy, even let it bind you together thru like experience, say like when a key song comes on,...I mean we all have the same root feelings, but keep it in its place, or purge it in a manner that cleanses your perspective, not recycles your anxiety.

I will smile for what Ive experienced, despite its avail or demise, and I will relax and let the future happen.. as it will.

I will hope the same for all of you as well.