Here i sit feeling sad and numb at my new job .. not knowing what to think or how to feel . my sister called me about 7:00 pm tonight and told me my Nino ( GodFather ) passed away this morning . He was something special that when i was a child in problems with my mother , He was always there to help me and talk to me . He gave me advice and no matter what, would never turn His back on me . i just lost a patient on the 7th of March 2006 who helped me finally grieve the lose of my GrandMother , and now to lose Him is more then i can handle at this time. i really feel like i want to just go crawl under a rock and hide forever and let no one close to me so i can't lose no one else again.
How much can one endure ? the saying is that God won't put more then what one can handle on his or her plate . This i beg to differ because i can't handle more .. i am not as strong as i thought i was . i let someone get into my every depth , making more so vunerable .. i work with elderly folks and help prepare them for thier final journey to the next life and i do my job with all i am , i try not to get close to them or into my heart but you can't help but do it .. now the only thing left is to throw myself into my job and cut all other things out so there is no chance to feel pain , hurt , loneliness , or the breaking of the heart .
Nino , i will forever love You with all i am , You will forever be with me in all ways and i miss You so much . i wish i had more time to talk to You but i don't , i wish we could have a final day so i could tell You what You mean to me , but we don't . So i will tell You here , You were always my God Sent Angel .. You never let me down even when i was in the wrong You stood behind me and never questioned nothing before doing it .. You are up there now with Nana and Gramita , Gina , GrandPa , and with Mildred Crouch all together watching over and smiling down upon us .. I Love You Nino .
