1. Men are NOT mind readers.
A. Neither are women, men are just predictable.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
B. If you would learn how to piss in the toilet and not on the seat, floor, back of toilet, we might not get so upset. But your ass isn’t the one who falls in the water, is it?
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
C.Periods. Full moon, deal with it
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
D. Neither is golf or hunting.
1. Crying is blackmail.
E. So is sex!
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
F. We do say it. NO! If it’s not what you want to hear, then it doesn’t matter what we say.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
G. Because is perfectly good answer as well
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
H. If we wanted to talk our girlfriends, we would,
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
I. It’s not a headache, it’s you!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
J. Anyone we slept with before you is off limits.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
K. If you act like soap opera guys, we might dress more like Victoria’s Secret models.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
L. If you have to ask if you’re getting muscles, then asking us won’t help. The answer is most likely no
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
M. If you know it can hurt us, don’t say it at all
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
N. If we could do it ourself, we wouldn’t ask you.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
O. If you’d pay attention to us more and the TV less, this would not be an issue
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
P. When your shortcuts stop getting us lost, we might believe that
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Q. Learn how to read, colors usually are printed.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
R. If you want to act like a dog, scratch away.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
S. If we aren’t worth the hassle, then why ask?
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
T. The same for us.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
U. No, it’s not. We value your opinion, therefore we ask.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
V. Don’t ask what we are thinking unless you want to hear about periods, giving birth or the ass on the guy across the room.
1. You have enough clothes.
W. You have enough tools
1. You have too many shoes.
X. No, We don’t
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Y We want you IN shape, not A shape
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Z. Want another blanket?
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh
