ONCE UPON A TIME
"Once upon a time, as tales usually start, a beautiful little girl was born into the world. She didn't realize that she was coming into a home where an alcoholic lived. She grew and played with her dolls and sang nursery rhymes. Then one day, when she was four years old, Daddy taught her a new game. A secret game. It was called "This is how we show we love each other." Nobody must ever know about this game because then the magic would disappear and love would go away and nobody wants to be without love. At the end of the game the little girl would get a peppermint stick or a piece of candy as a prize to make the funny taste in her mouth go away. Her very favorite prize, though, was a candy necklace. As the months and years went by more and more rules were added to the game. After all, the more you love somebody the more you can show them. The day came when Grandpa was invited to play the game with her and Daddy. She loves Grandpa, too, doesn't she? She didn't understand what being "Catholic" meant, exactly, but she did understand that God wouldn't be happy with her if she didn't do what Daddy said. She didn't want to go to Hell. And if Daddy said never, never tell anybody, then she knew she couldn't. Besides, she really DID love Daddy. All she ever wanted was to please him and make him love her. Grandpa was one of the leaders in the Knights of Columbus and he used to charter regular bus trips to New York for all the local Knights to go see the baseball games there. Daddy and Grandpa loved the little girl so much that she got to go on all these trips. One little girl in a bus full of drunken men on a several hour trip. She learned a new game. Everybody loved this little girl. She was "special." This new game made her hurt inside and sore for a few days, but nobody wants the love to go away, do they? This went on and on and on until finally, at age 14, she decided that love or no love, she just couldn't go on like this. She ran away from home. She lived on the streets doing whatever she had to do to survive. She met many, many bad people. People who hurt her. As she grew she learned the ways of the street and learned to fight back. Soon, she became a girl who nobody messed with. She spent time in different jails in different cities. Mostly for fighting. She was filled with an anger that she couldn't explain. She married young to a guy who liked to punch her. The problem was, she gave as good as she got and he finally left her to find an easier target. By then she had a baby son. She took odd jobs to care for her baby and herself. She later met another man and they were married. She got a baby daughter from him. He was an alcoholic who liked to fight when he got drunk. The little girl, all grown up now, has been trying to erase the memories of her past through drugs and alcohol. She liked to fight, too. It seemed to let some of the anger out. By now she had been shot once, stabbed several times, had a Corona beer bottle broken over her face, and numerous broken bones. She was driving drunk one day when the local police pulled her over and decided that she needed to go to jail. The problem with that was, she didn't WANT to go to jail and a fist fight broke out between her and the policeman. While she was beating the cops ass royally, she broke his wrist when he tried to pull his gun on her. Backup arrived finally and two other policemen pulled her off of their buddy. She ended up spending 2 ½ years in Federal Prison for this. She lost her children to the System because her husband decided that drinking was more important than caring for the children while she was locked up. In prison, she learned a trade and decided that she wanted a different life when she got out. One day, she was finally set free. She went to a half-way house for girls and began a 12-Step program. Things were going good for this little girl all grown up now. She met a guy at one of the meetings and developed a friendship with him. He treated her with respect. He never hit her. He taught her what it meant to be a real lady by treating her like a real lady. He showed her what true love meant. He overlooked her faults and forgave her every time she made a mistake. Oh, she still got mad and tried to fight him, but he wouldn't fight back. What kind of man was this, anyway? A man who truly loved her in spite of everything. A real man. A good man. A true man. An honest man. A man who convinced her that you didn't have to play games to win love. And finally, after about 8 years she really and truly felt loved. That's all she ever wanted and all she ever dreamed about. She got her wish. And she loved that man more than she ever loved anything in her life. And she told him that and he believed her." THE END
I have been really selfish lately. When my wife died suddenly on July 2, 2007 all I could think about was ME. "What am I going to do?" "Why did this have to happen to ME?" "I am hurting so bad." "I hate God." "Sheila, why did you have to leave ME?" "I am so lonely." I-I-I ME-ME-ME
I have come to terms that this ISN'T all about "me." Even though I want it to be. God didn't just decide one day to look down and say, "Terry, I feel like turning your world upside down today. I want to see how you handle it." NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! God looked down and said to SHEILA, "Sweet Child, I see your suffering and pain. I feel your emotional wreckage. I know the disgust you feel inside, the bondage to pain medication you are under, the fear you feel. I'm here to take it all away and give you Peace and Freedom. You know what true love is now. Your dreams have come true. It's time to come Home with me. I have a place ready for you."
God blessed me with 8 wonderful years to spend with Sheila, loving her and being loved by her. God gave me a job to do. He put me into her life to show her that all men are not like the only ones she had known. How could she love a God when she didn't know what love was? I taught her what love is. She learned. She was finally able to love me and that allowed her to finally love God. My job was finished and now she's gone.
I really miss her at times, though. She ain't right – but she's just right for me, as the song goes. I LOVE YOU, SHEILA MARIE.
