Well now it has been awhile since I sat and wrote... but today i feel like it is needed... yes I'm renovating.. lmao i know some of u might be wondering what i mean... and so here is a lil bit into my mind set... at least as of lately...
as some of u know, things with jesse and i have been rocky lately... and i have honestly considered letting him go... i think he is married or at the very least still messing with baby momma... he has told me that recently he hit her... he wont tell me why they were even fighting... although i did hear him say, "you fucked him u fowl mouth bitch"... and my thinking is this... if u havent been with her in 2 almost 3 yrs what does it matter who she is fucking??? but he has not made the time to talk to me since it happened for me to find out any information... and our communication has gone to almost nothing... the thing is that i need closer from him... if we are going to end our commited relationship i think we should say it... not just stop seeing each other... he has given me many mixed signals lately... he showed up on saturday night/sunday morning (2:45am) talking about what he is going through has nothing to do with us, and that he is sorry for hiding from me right now and promised me time to talk and he misses me and likes me a hella lot... but i have not heard from him since... and this does effect US cuz he has disapeared on me and made no time for us or to let me know he is ok... which shows me that i am not important to him... but there is more in the last 2 paragraphs about jesse and how much i care for him....
ok on to other things in my life.... so my unemployment has run out and it was kinda shocking for me to find out cuz they had said i could get it for a yr and its only been 5 months... but i have a plan... most of u know i have been wanting to move from my house to something smaller... i was actualy thinking down the hill but am open to staying up here... and God willing i will find an apt manager position to help lower my cost of living... thanks to an awesome friend (yeah she knows who she is) i am going to meet with an owner in apple valley tomorrow... and i will propose something to benefit us both... and she has my back is going to help... she is an awesome friend and a great salesperson!!!! so maybe i will stay in the high desert and just make a small change
we are home-schooling lesley and we finialy got her into options for youth... what a great program!!!! she loves her teacher which helps to motivate her!!!
ok so my mom has breast cancer... we found out in oct and she had it removed and is currently doing radiation to lessen her chance of relapse... and due to the stress of that and the bullshit celastina pulled... i had to drop my classes at VVC... just couldnt do it.. but the good news is that i have a different plan... we all know after the lies and games Suni pulled i didnt want to be a social worker anymore anyway... so i looked around and decided to contact Everest College in San Bernardino... and im going to start classes mid-dec for medical administration assisting... bascialy i can do anything in a medical/dental office except a nurse or dr... i can do front/back office, billing, transcription, acts recievable/payable, receptionist... just to say a few.. .so if anyone local wants info on the college my adminsions councilor is awesome... ill be happy to pass her number to u...
so my life is taking on a different path... i have even considered moving out of state when im done with college... maybe OR or FL.... or maybe someone will suprise me and it will be chicago... who knows... but the point of this is after all the changes i have been through in the recent yrs... and all the loss i have had to endure... i have discovered that i have a few true friends in the high desert... Alex is always there for me no matter what.. and i appreciate that she will tell me that im wrong or over reacting... even when i dont want to hear it... and the ice cream outings are too funny!!! we really should do the bar next time.. lmao... Sherrie is another one... she will tell me what she sees from the outside even when its not nice... and she always has my best interest at heart... and she even calls to check on me when she knows things are bad... and the lunches and summer afternoons are always something i look forward to!!! yeah so there are usualy a few drinks involved but we are adults after all... lmao.. and of course my boy down the hill Dee... i love talking to him cuz i know that he will give me a mans prospective on things and he will never candy coat anything.. he will even tell me when he thinks that the situation is only going to hurt me even if i cant see it... there are a few more... but lately they have been the ones that i am closest with... and i appreciate them more than they can understand!!!! sometimes changes is needed even when it hurts... kinda like working out no pain no gain... i hope im wrong about jesse... but i dont think i am... i think that he is only in my life for a season and that season is comming to an end... the cool part about it is that he introduced me to another really cool couple and i know that i will keep in contact with them and i love being around them... im excited to start school and cant wait to finish... we will have to have a party/bbq this summer when i graduate!!! im a lil nervous bout working again but i think its what i need to keep my mind off other things that get me introuble... lmao... and after all this time im starting to feel like the real kathleen is comming back but a lil more grown up.. if jesse taught me anything its 2 things... 1 verizon totally taught me great customer services skills (including calming someone down, not taking things personal even when u might want to, and how to sell my ass off.. lmao) 2 that in a relationship i have learned to communicate and make boundries... so i can have a grown up relationship... lmao
ok so i think im done rambling... but i have to say that i do miss jesse and his kids very much... and that i truely care for him... i hope that we can work things out and that i am wrong about baby momma... i think we could be an awesome blended family given the chance...
ok friends have a great night.. and talk to u soon... kisses
