1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a cup
of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the
blockage will be removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet
seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in
your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and
you will
forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really
are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and
should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
> 9. Remember: EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW
THEM. So be
brief with people.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thoughts for the day:
Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when
you
might need them to empty your bedpan.
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for
anything;
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a
flight
of stairs. ..>
