I don't know what to do
Current mood: worried
I don't know where to begin with this whole situation. I'm going to try my best to explain as much as possible, but I honestly don't know where to begin.
Ryan and I have been dating for about 5 ½ months now. When we first started dating things were great. Over the summer the two of us fell in love. I had never been happier and you couldn't get me to wipe the smile off my face even for a moment. Nothing could have penetrated this protective bubble we created.
The summer was great and we hardly fought at all, except for the occasionally bickering session. But then as fall approached, Ryan found himself falling into debt with his bank. This threw him into a state of depression. Things continued to worsen and are still getting worse, even now. His car broke down and he has no money to repair it. His license was revoked because he couldn't pay one of his tickets. He continued to get more and more depressed and then started saying how he doesn't deserve me and that I am too good for him. I've had a lot of friends who have suffered from depression, so I'm used to it. But after a while I just can't take it anymore and it starts to drive me crazy. I mean yes, everyone has their moments that they're sad or whatever, but when it starts to effect your whole life, you have to realize there is something wrong and need to try to fix it. It isn't fair to you or you loved ones to live like this.
So Ryan went home for Thanksgiving and his parents convinced him to move home. He put in his two weeks notice at his work and has been preparing to move back to Burley. He moves on December 9th, this coming Saturday.
We're different religions, also. He is Mormon and I am not. A couple months ago when his parents found out that I'm not LDS he asked me to read his Book of Mormon. I agreed to read it but assured him that I would NOT change my religion. He told me he wants to be sealed to me sometime, meaning that I would have to become Mormon. The fact that he even thinks that scares the hell out of me. Yes, things would be easier if we were the same religion. It's a fact. However, I'm NEVER going to convert and I know he wouldn't either. Plus, I wouldn't feel right making someone change their religion for me. That's now how it should work.
We've been fighting more and more as time progresses. It starts as little things but grows into a huge thing almost every time. The fights have been getting more frequent and we've been having them almost every time we're together.
I've come to the realization that we really don't have a lot in common. We have completely different lifestyles and philosophies on how things should be done. Therefore, we argue on pretty much everything, including education, parenting, music, country vs. city, etc. We hardly agree on anything.
I'm scared to death of what might happen between us. I know that whatever happens, happens, but whatever choice I make there is no easy solution and we still won't be happy. I don't know what to do. I love him, I really do. And I know that he loves me, but I don't know that I could spend the rest of my life with him. I'm so confused and scared and worried but I don't know what I can do about it.
