Wikkid's blog: "Relationships and Marriage"

I saw a recent blog by a man who wrote one sentence in the blog. "I need a girlfriend to make me happy."

The ability to be happy without a girlfriend is the thing that is going to get you a girlfriend and make a relationship successful. Otherwise you are coming from neediness because you are giving your own personal power away. Your security and emotional state is dependent upon a girl being in and staying in your life. This is called neediness and causes people to make emotional responses that can often turn ugly, instead of making rational choices.

People simply get along and have some sexual chemistry so they get into a relationship, but they often find out later that they just don't get along, or there is some other problem. Instead of talking it out and letting each other go, they try to own, possess or control the other or ignore the signs of trouble and drag it out hoping the problem takes care of itself.

You choose your own emotional responses. The actions and behavior of people do not choose them for you.

When you center your security (happiness), wisdom, guidance and power on family, friends, work, religion, possessions, etc. instead of your own principles, they are limited in creativity and effective problem solving and dependent on the state of those centers.

For example, if your happiness is determined by having a girlfriend, your security, power, guidance and wisdom is limited and determined by whether you get one or not. What if she leaves? Where is your security then? What if there is a problem in the relationship? Your problem solving skills will be limited by trying to please and keep her, instead of taking her feelings and ideas into consideration and coming up with a win/win solution based on your own principles.

Or perhaps your security and guidance lies in the approval of others, or religous beliefs, or what your friends think. Without their approval your security, wisdom, guidance and power is limited because it is reliant on what they think you should do and on getting their approval. Millions  of believers think religion gives them power but in reality it teaches them to be apathetic, irresponsible, and to give up their personal power.

No one "makes" you happy. You don't need a g/f to be happy. Be happy on your own. It definitely can help make your life happier and more fulfilling having a great woman in your life, but many relationships are ordinary, boring and often fail because of neediness, insecurity, the fear of doing the wrong thing & losing the other person. Most couples don't make their relationship a self-improvement journey. Most couples don't think past the ordinary and what society and religion has taugh them to accept about relationships. Problems in the relationship, and life in general, are opportunities of problem-solving and learning higher levels of unconditional love and compassion.

Don't fall into victimhood or play a pity card. This will drive women off. Don't worry about impressing a girl, or losing a girl. Have real standards, beyond the physical, that she must meet and don't settle for a girl who doesn't meet them. For me, I like women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who are givers and want to learn wonderful things. They have to be bisexual (openly admit to loving women also) and they have to be non-religious.

Women say they want a nice guy, but it's bullshit. They want a man who tells it like it is, who has a stronger reality than them, who dominates them and ravishes them in bed until they are crying tears of joy.

This doesn't mean being a nice guy that she can walk on and it doesn't mean to be an asshole and trying to domineer, possess and control them. It means dominating them wiht real love and leading them to discover wonderful things.

Relationships are a one day at a time thing, nothing more and nothing less. Granted that we may get into them with the intent of the long term, you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. There is no forever, no promises. The future is nothing more than a set of potentials. Legal marriage goes against the laws of love and life because we are gods with free will and there is no forever. If a woman wants to leave me, I wish her well and let her go. I don't need to own, possess or control her. Sometimes a person's life path changes and we cannot always follow.

It means being like a strong spiritual warrior who's self-respect, happiness, character, veracity, critical thinking, power, wisdom and guidance is determined by his own principles that do not change because of circumstance, but only because you evolve those principles with the principles of life (as you learn them) that have stood the test of time.

It means coming from a position of love and compassion. We dominate them with love. It means understanding that women are emotional creatures and helping them learn how to deal with imbalanced emotions - which means learning how to do it for yourself first. You have to be the emotional balancer when she cannot.

I love women and I love to make them happy. I like to flirt for fun, just to make a woman's day or make them laugh. It doesn't have to be a woman I'm interested in and it doesn't have to be with the agenda of hooking up or impressing her. My only agenda is to make their day, but if I'm interested, my other agenda is to simply qualify them and see if they meet my standards.

Women usually do the choosing because most men don't have standards beyond the physical. By having them, you can both make a clear and mutual decision on where you want to take the relationship. by having standards, you are choosng along with her.

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10 Words Women Use

(lettered inserts and #10 added by Bobby Eaton/Wikkid)

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(a) No one is allowed to argue with me. Arguing, fighting, nagging, bitching, complaining or generally being a pain in the ass is NOT okay with me. When you argue with someone you are training them to manipulate, control and lose respect for you. Any woman who has the privilege of sleeping with me at night, does not talk to me like this during the day. I know I'm always right and she's wrong, because love is the only truth. When you come from love, you can never be wrong, proved wrong or argued with. If the woman in my life argues with me I say something like "You love me! So shut up and kiss me NOW! or "Can we stop arguing and f%$k already? I don't care about that shit. I wanna f*#k." or "You have 3 seconds to stop arguing with me, or you need to take a walk or go write down what you need to talk about and don't come back until you can talk calmly."

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(b) If we make it on time, cool. If we are fashionably late, cool. If we HAVE to be there, it's five minutes or I leave without her. And I don't need to ask for permission from her to do things, but I am always considerate of her feelings. Let's get the housework done so we can have fun, or do it after the game.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in Fine!

(c) "Nothing" my ass. You sit down and tell me WTF is going on, right now or you go write me a letter to tell me and don't come back until you are done. If you can't talk about your emotions you aren't mature enough for the relationship. If you wanna be a pain in the ass, I'll take you out to find a guy you can more easily manipulate.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(d) And you think I'm going to fall for this manipulative dare? Think again.

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(e) Speak your truth or get the f*%k out. Arguing is not allowed. Relationships are about honesty, openness and dealing with your issues to learn and grow. If you are too immature to tell me what's wrong and about your feelings, you are probably not mature enough for this relationship. If you don't like it, you need to seriously go and try to do better than me.

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(f) I only apologize when I have broken the laws of love and I expect a girl to do the same. Otherwise it's trifle bullshit and making me pay for mistakes or her ex's mistakes is immature. If she wants to play games, I'll open my door and wish her well.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

(g) I love appreciation and I give it as well....If I have to take the time to help her deal with issues, I expect a woman to say "Thank you, Bobby, for helping me become a better and happier woman." I shouldn't have to do that.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

(h) Excuse me? What did you say? Go get your shit and get out. You have a month to seriously try and do better than me.

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

(i) A woman's request is just that. A request that will be accepted or denied based on my criteria, not hers. Being considerate of other people and loving to make women happy without supplicating to them is what makes my relationships so easy. However, the women I date are quite submissive, like me taking control and telling them what to do.

10. I need some time: If your relationship is not going well and she often avoids you, withdraws or doesn't make much effort to spend time with you or says you need to have a talk and she says she needs time, this often means that she has one foot out the door.

(j)We all need a little space in relationships, and if you need a little space, assure the other person things are fine and it has nothing to do with them. If she says she needs time AND space AND doesn't tell you why or says she is not sure she wants to stay in a relationship, make her talk about it. If she can't, it's probably a good idea to let her go.