KellyBabyxxFEARxx's blog: "Reflections"

Today was one of my hardest days in a long time. Today, I buried a co-worker, a good friend, and one of the nicest men that ever lived. Taken from this life too soon.. he had so many lives yet to touch. But those who knew him were touched by him each and every day. His wonderful personality, quirky sense of humor and overall genuine caring of people. When he asked you how you were, he truly wanted to know. As I sat in the pew listening to the music, looking at him laying there so peaceful, I looked down at his memorial card they handed out at the door, and I noticed the dash between his birthdate and the date of his death. ( You should check out my stash called the dash if you haven't yet), and I couldn't help but think about all that was in between those dates. He was a husband, father, a brother, an uncle, co-worker and a wonderful friend to so many people. This is a part of life I know, but no matter how you try to put it in perspective, it still hurts. His son spoke the sweetest words a son could say about his father. I didn't have enough tissues handy. He had led a good life, been a good man and left everyone with wonderful, fun filled memories for us to celebrate with each other each and every day. I began to reflect on my own mortality and what my dash would say. What would my legacy be and how would I be remembered when I am lying in his place. I can't say I have led a good life, it has been so very hard, but I always tried to do the right things. And I loved my children more than life itself. I have loved many, even those than I knew could not love me back. I tried each and every day to make people laugh and if they cried, I cried with them. And would do anything for anyone.. even give them the shirt off my back if it helped them. Since there is still a blank next to my dash, I don't know how it will be filled in the end. But I realized that I better do what I can now before that dash is completed. I would like to think I have another day to tell those I love that I love them, with every ounce of my heart. Even those that can't love me back, they have their reasons. I can and will still love them. All I can do at this point is keep on living my life as I have, and hope that I can touch people's lives in such a way that they can remember me as fondly as they remembered him today. And I know that death is around us all the time, but for me, with this being so sudden and not expected... I think it just hits home and I have to take a step back and rethink how my life is, how I have lived my life and how, when I die, I will be remembered. If nothing else, we must remember that life is a gift we all take for granted. Take nothing and take no one for granted.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Coming back from my mom's always makes me reflect on life as a whole because while I wish I could spend an eternity of birthday's with her, I know the reality is that her birthday's are limited. It makes me look back on my life and no matter how lonely I might get, I'm doing ok. I have 4 children, all of whom are happy, healthy and successful. One being recruited by Harvard and will probably go there, one up and coming in his own right and will without a doubt be recruited with a full ride athletic scholarship as well. Each have outstanding goals and know what it takes to get to them. My daughter is healthy, smart, beautiful and wants to be the next Rachel Ray. That works for me! And Dalton, my youngest, who in his life I foresee will have to come to terms with the fact that he is fatherless.But he too, is destined for great things, I can see, even at 3. Yes I still foresee me single that many years down the road. Those 4 wonderful children are how I measure my success as a person. I'm obviously not totally where I want to be financially or with my career but I have been successful as a mom. And I will not measure me as a person based on the fact that I'm not barbie. I may not be a size 4, but neither was Marilyn Monroe. My measure of myself is based on my heart, my sheer will to survive in this extremely cruel world of fake shallow people. Beauty itself should not be based solely on the measurement of one's bust size or the tinyness of their waist but of how big their heart is; how geniune their soul is; how much passion they carry with them for life, their family, and the desire to love someone. I hope that when I die, if I am not remembered for anything else in this life, that I will be remembered as a mother who had and for all eternity will have an undying love in her heart.