Today I shall ramble on about the reflections of my pointless life. Let's take a moment to fully understand the word "reflections". The word reflections, as described by the Wiccan Encyclopedia of Encantations, is "the mere thought or memory of ones self". No other explanation is needed. When I look back on my life up to this point, I am amazed that I am even here to say these things. While like most, I have skeletons in my own closet amidst things that I wish were done differently, I can't help but think my life would have turned out the same exact way. This is a sad note contrary to the belief that every action we make will ultimately decide our future. I found myself today wondering about my own future. And as I have thought about it from time to time, it was all put into perspective this morning whilst talking to my friend. He made a few comments about his own life and the possible directions it was headed, and I recalled past conversations where I had advised "what I would do". Truth is I don't have one damn good idea "what I would do"! I sat there this morning and thought to myself "when I look back twenty or thirty years from now, will I have more regrets than I do now"? Will I be able to say "oh yeah, I did that twenty years or so ago". Who knows, and for that point, who even cares. After all we are told that we are supposed to live for today, right? But I sat there and asked myself what interesting stories will I have for my grandchildren? Will my "reflections" be as interesting as my grandfathers? Or was his life so fucked up boring that he resorted to lies to capture my interest? I know, perhaps I can wow them with stories of how I lived from check to check all of my life, no matter of my income. It would be interesting to ponder how I managed only to have twenty dollars in my pocket wether I grossed twenty thousand or eighty thousand per year. I'm the guy who would win the fifty million lotto, be broke the next day, and have absolutely not one fucking thing to show for it, or no recollection of where the money went!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's also amazing to me how one day I have an interesting job with promise for the future, and now I have the same job and it feels like a dead end. I admit that I'm curious how one man can swoop in from nowhere and shatter all of my hopes with a single blow. Now at this job that I'm supposed to be "thankful" for, I find myself downtrodden and cast beneath his boot. But, there is light at the end of this tunnel. My education didn't come fom a Dale Carnegie book, and soon I will have the upper hand. Remember the old saying "tough times don't last, tough people do". This is my refuge as I will not bring others down to bring myself up, for this is the way of the coward. Furthermore I often think of my friend and the advise I have given him. Who am I to give such advise? Who am I to say this is what you should do or say? Who died and made me the exalted one? I think I am just trying to be a good friend. That being said, are my words even noteworthy? I always thought a good friend would try to bring you up a bit when you are down. I'm not going to make jokes or laugh at their misfortunes. That's not what a friend does. So let me "reflect". Could I tell the grandyounguns about how money was never a problem for us, my wonderful career, or the fact that I was a good friend to some? Perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut and smile alot. When the day finally comes that they ask about my salary and say " good lord pawpaw, how did you ever get by on that"!?!? At least I will have the dignity and the overwhelming pride in my heart to lean forward, look them square in the eye, and HONESTLY say
