[disclaimer: I'm not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV, I'm speaking from experience, and whether you agree or not, is completely up to you.]
*deep breath*
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days - even weeks, and it's been quite enlightening, and quite upsetting at the same time. I've realized that I've been way too expectant of other people, as I also saw other friends' blogs mentioning them doing the same, and I realize I've been putting too much into what I want - what I'm expecting, rather than just letting happen the way it was happening. I've been to thousands (scary, huh?) of therapists, read countless articles and stories, and have done more research on the human psyche than you'd imagine. All of it has brought me to one simple task.
Let it be.
There it is. A gazillion words and thoughts and ideas, in that small sentence. Even as I type this, my eyes fill up at the power and the truth of that. I've always had an issue with the fear of abandonment, and it's caused way too many problems in my life, so recently I've been trying (not successfully, but I had to start somewhere, right?) to do just that - let it be. Yes, I've said a few things and done a few things I'm not very proud of in my life, and most of it can lead back to my not just letting it be. Kinda sucks. :/
I know a lot of people on here, and outside here, are going through stressful crises and it's been overwhelming to see how some people already are able to just let it be, yet they choose to make it into something it doesn't have to be. We get so used to conflict, disparaging remarks to ourselves and others, and the attention that drama brings, that we forget the fact that we're all just trying to be. No one is perfect, therefore nothing can be perfect. As my friend Jenn has mentioned many times, and GraficzGrl and Mel recently blogged, letting go of expectation is a huge key to success and happiness. It's truly a simple equation. Just be, and enjoy it, and even if it doesn't happen as you hoped it would, you're still enjoying it as it is, without the let-down of expectation not being fulfilled.
Granted, I'm far from fully conscious when it comes to realities such as this, and I've got tons of work to do on myself. A very close friend (234567) reminded me of something, that I should have known, being just as big of a procrastinator as she *smirk* - the feeling that you have to do something, which is caused by someone elses, or even your own, expectation - makes you not want to do that thing. Why do that? It's easier to just accept what is, and forget what you think it should be, because the beauty of existence is just that - it doesn't have to be, but it is.
I need to thank my friends on here for the bits of hope they've shown through their blogs, and their words, and I also need to thank Shannon, for reminding me in her own way, that I've got abilities beyond my own realization, and to shove them aside for fear and doubt and expectation, is utterly stupid.
I hope this reaches you all in happiness, and if you get the chance, let it be.
[comment freely, but I won't be sitting here - I'm busy letting it be ;) ]
