ScareGasm aka founder of Whores of Haddo's blog: "Reality...or just diluted fantasy?"

My lil girl rat Luci(fer) turned 1 on Saturday. She's a lil butterball now (see pics) and thinks she's a big shot now. I spent Saturday and Sunday at my mother's house spending time with her and helping her around the house with stuff cause she hasn't been feeling the greatest lately. I measured my hair the other day and it's now 38" long! Awesomeness! Someday I will make great babies with stunning hair I tell ya! ^_^ Oh yea...one of the bestest songs ever is "Laura" by Fields of the Nephilim! If you don't know it, find it and download it. They're an 80s old school goth indie band. Their sound reminds me a lot of Christian Death! PS. Scrawny Pale guys with long hair rock!! hehe ;)

Ok so I just got home around 4:30 from the dental clinic from seeing the oral surgeon. I had 2 teeth extracted and 2 stitches where the one tooth was extracted. I was there for like 2 hours cause waiting to numb up and then the poor toothies didn't wanna come out. :( Plus the one tooth he pulled he had to shave down the bone a little bit before pulling the tooth cause it was resting on some bone fragments. Ouchies! Glad I was numb at the time. The novacaine is almost done worn off but I just took a Percocet and I'm off to lay down. My dentist gave me a prescription for some vicodin too but I don't think I should mix the two meds right now. Hopefully in 2 or 3 days I'll feel a lot better, In the meantime I need lots of hugs, meds, and some soup. lol PS. I've always hated anyone all up in my grill like dentists do...unless I'm giving oral or making out. haha ;) Goodnight all. Love you Ron baby! Can't wait til Thanksgiving together! muahs!

This past weekend was great. My boyfriend spent the weekend with me again and Saturday night we went out to the local bar to the big Halloween dress up bash they were having. I dressed up as a naughty nun with my crow contacts in and came bearing a whip while my boyfriend went as a priest. (We just had to coordinate ya know?) Haha. Unfortunately my digicam has been taking fits and wouldn't work at all for us that night to take pics. First my fuckin' 20GB MP3 player dies almost 2 months ago and now my digicam is not working. They're both 3 years old but I was hoping to get a little more life out of them but guess not. Our one friend at the bar with long hair came as Jesus and as we approached him he was joking around with us and was like "I work alone." LoL. My friend Patty dressed up with a masquerade ball outfit that was really pretty and my other friend Elisha dressed up as Cruella Deville. She also ended up winning first place and $50 cash. Some skanky lookin' chick in a naughty musketeer outfit won second place and this old couple dressed as hippies won third place. Overall it was an awesome night though. Some dumb ass at the bar smacked my ass like 6 or 7 times when I was walking back to the bathroom and then my boyfriend went back to use the bathroom and the idiot actually apologized to him for doing it. He's lucky my man didn't kick his creepy ass. It was awesome though and kinda hot to be dressed up like a naughty nun and grinding up on my man dressed as a priest to the music at the bar. Hehe. Needless to say we had a very good night! ^_* So Wednesday night is Halloween and trick or treat night here in town. I plan to be out from 6 to 8 handing out candy to the little munchkins since I love kids. It's also the final day of MonsterFest on AMC and they're showing Halloweens 1-6 all day long! Woo! And ofcourse that night at 9PM on Sci-Fi is the live Halloween edition of Ghost Hunters at Waverly Hills Sanitorium on the outskirts of Louisville, KY. They're back for a second time to investigate and it will be great to see what goes down there this time. Alright people gotta go. I have some bitches to go smack up! Peace Out YO! LOL ;)

Last night was pretty awesome. I went with my chick friend Elisha and her friend Ted to see Kix up in Mechanicsburg at the Hardware Bar. He paid our way in and bought us drinks all night so that was pretty awesome. The show was really packed and their set this year was once again full of energy and crowd participation. We did a few shots and had 2 mixed drinks before they took stage and then some more afterwards. (lol) Then we did the birthday chair thingy there where you sit in the chair and a male bartender straddles over you and pours a shot down your throat then gets you up from the chair, puts a hard hat on you, and smacks your ass a few times then smacks a sticker on your ass that says "I SWALLOWED! (at the hardware bar)" haha Kinky eh? Then you can dance on the bar for a song. lol So afterwards the band came out to hang with the people and I think Steve Whiteman liked my friend Elisha because he invited us to come see them down in Hagerstown, MD Saturday night and got our name for the guestlist if we decide to come. So overall it was a good night!

Almost an hour ago at around 7PM, one of my rats Matt passed away. He was only 10 months old and had been suffering from a large growth on his left shoulder area. This is truly one of the saddest days of my life. The worst part is that I saw it all. He was having a heart and lung attack and started twitching for about 10 minutes and then he layed down and went. I stroked him and told him it was ok and that I loved him. :( I'm so upset I need to get away for awhile so I'm going to my moms for a few days. I'm going to go bury him first. I love him. He was my baby and he will be missed everytime I look at his sister all alone in her aquarium wondering where he is. Have a good one all. Treat your pets with care, you never know when may be the last time you hold them.

*runs around apartment in undies singing* I can't describe the pounding of my heart. It beats so strong. It's in your eyes. What can I say? They turn me on. I don't care where we go. I don't care what we do. I don't care pretty baby. Just take me with you! ^_^ that is all! hehehehe...

Ugh, it's almost 3am. So tonight I went out to the bar again. I saw a few people I knew from school. They were all telling me how they just had their second and third children, how they're married, and etc. and all this great shit about their lives. Ofcourse I had to play it off like I was okay and it didn't bother me. But you know what? It fucking did. Everybody has these great things happening to them and I have nothing. Nothing at all to show for and I'm almost 23. No boyfriend, no husband, no child, only 2 best friends anymore (and they're female believe it or not!). It really makes me feel bad. All I've ever wanted was something somewhat to a "norm" of how the average person would have a life and family, even though I know my ways and beliefs are far from average. And I'll tell you I saw it ALL tonight I really did...bar drama, lesbians all over eachother, even married people cheating on their spouses and etc. I wonder if they even realize that life is just a stupid test until death. You either pass or fail. I guess I failed big time. I have nobody. And what's worse is I've truly never felt this alone until tonight when I realized how shit is happening with everyone around me, except everyone and everything is just passing me by. I never would have thought of a life and future like this until 2 years ago when I realized the only person I wanted to be with was right infront of me the whole time, and then again when I was diagnosed with the beginning pre-cancerous stage of Cerivcal Cancer in November. I won't ever feel whole again. The only man that I wanted in this sort of way is the only one that can undepress me, and I do hope he forever remembers how much he's emotionally raped me and fucked me up in the head and deprived me of the only thing I ever wanted from him...love. *grabs box of tissues and goes to curl up on the couch and watch Purple Rain and sob* :(

Sorry this review is a bit delayed but some stuff happened with a dear friend of mine that I went to high school with and have known for a while is going through a rough time right now and he is spending the weekend with me. So on with the review... The show was really good, though not the best Type O show I've seen. Peter sat on a chair while playing his guitar and singing the whole time while sipping on his bottle of red wine. I was a bit suprised he was sitting down as he usually doesn't while live. I was also suprised at how different he looked. His muscle mass is definately not what it used to be and he looked rather thin and a lot less bulky. Made me hope that he was doing okay health wise and stuff. I enjoyed the setlist for the most part granted they never did "Unsuccessfully Coping" to get people pumped up...instead they started out with "Kill All The White People" which was pretty awesome too. They did about 4 songs or so from the new album, none of which I got into too much. They did do some good old stuff though which was refreshing. Their setlist included *in no particular order* Anastesia, Red Water, Love You To Death, World Coming Down, Christian Woman, and ofcourse they ended with Black No. 1. They did come back out and do one encore, and I kinda figured that would happen. The highlight of the show was the funny cartoon music they had playing before and after their set along with 4 big light up signs on stage and 4 O- symbols. The signs said "laughter", "applause", "boo", and "you suck". And ofcourse we all chanted "you suck" at them many times and it was quite funny cause they dig that shit just like back on their previous tours. I met this cool couple from Lancaster (an hour away from me) and the chick bought me a drink and she was very nice. Kinda hot too...lol but anyways. Overall I had a good time. I was about #20 in line cause I got to the venue around 5PM to get in line then I notived they were handing out these flyers "Come meet Type O Negative across the street" and I was like oh shit. So I went and paid $5, got a new Decibel magazine with Peter on the front, a big Dead Again promo poster, and met 3 out of the 4 dicks from Brooklyn again. All but Peter were present at the signing. Johnny, Kenny, and Josh were all very nice though and shook my hand. I got them to sign my magazine and poster which I now have hanging in my computer room. Something I failed to realize (cause it had been awhile since I'd been to the Troc) was that the balcony was strictly for 21+ and because I was one of the first like 20 people in line and over 21 I'd have first dibs at the balcony. So I took it...and it was a great view. I didn't even have to fucking get up to go to the bar cause they had waitresses bringing drinks to people haha. Hence why I didn't take any pics this time around...they wouldn't have turned out the greatest from a balcony and with a disposable cam. After a few sex on the beaches and some Type O rushing through my blood I would say overall I had a pretty good time. PS. Peter still owns my twat...ok I only wish...but still. hahaha ^_^

Took me a little longer to make it to the music store to pick it up this week with work and getting a foot of snow dumped on my area, but I finally got it and yes this review is more positive...but we're speaking of my boys of TON so maybe I should use the word "negative" hehe. ;) It's not "Bloody Kisses" and it's not "October Rust" but it's definitely an upgrade from their nearly 4 years of silence since their last album "Life Is Killing Me". Some of my favorites on this album are songs like "She Burned Me Down", "An Ode to Locksmiths" (lol), and "Halloween in Heaven". "These Three Things" clocks in at an amazing 14 minutes 20 seconds which beats one of their earlier hit songs from several years back entitled "Unsuccessfully Coping". The CD booklet unfolds into a cross, which is a bit discouraging for my own personal tastes, but that's Peter Steele for ya. Apparently he's Catholic now, but he's still my favorite Brooklyn boy <3.

Ok I'm not trying to be a bitch about it or anything, but this is my honest opinion about it. This goes to show you that just because The 69 Eyes are one of my favorite bands, doesn't always mean I have to like 100% of their music. I'm not a puppet and I have no need to be pulled on strings. PS. The views and opinions expressed in this blog are solely that of myself. Thank you. Alright...here it goes. Tuesday after work I headed right to the music store to pick it up for a reasonable $13.99. Well....I kinda wish I could have a 50% refund. If you've never heard The 69 Eyes before and are interested in hearing them, don't let this CD be the first one that you purchase. I've been a fan of theirs since 2001 before most people even knew who they were, and sadly I'm just not impressed by this album one bit. I'd recommend one of their earlier albums like Blessed Be, Paris Kills, or Devils. Anything but Angels. The title track "Angels" is decent along with "Never Say Die", "Perfect Skin", a love ballad called "Star of Fate", and their new upgrade to one of their older songs from 97'/98' called "Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams". I know that The 69 Eyes are a very talented band, but I feel as if they rushed recording this album and overanticipated the release. I would have liked to see them spend a few more months on better material in the studio and coming out with a better sounding album rather than a project that I feel was somehow rushed. Maybe not by them entirely but maybe the record company or something...I don't know. The one other good thing about the album besides the decent 5 songs or so is the enhanced features on the CD. You pop it into your computer and you can access special online features like music videos, comic strips, information on all the tracks, some pics and wallpapers, and etc. Ok folks there it was. My review of "Angels". I'm hoping I don't have to sound crabby this coming week after I hear Type O Negative's new CD entitled "Dead Again". I expect something decent from them and hopefully it won't be a disappointment as well. I did get my concert pix back but unfortunately the drugstore fucked them up and never even sent away for a picture cd for me and cut the fucking negatives so I gotta go to a local photo shop around here and get them scanned onto a CD the hard way.