i had a decision basically forced down my throat today but it aint so much that as wat my reaction is. Basically im tired everyone says that the pain in life is part of it and to get over it and move on. or that if it dont kill u then it makes u stronger. well im tired of always haveing to be the strong one im tired of ppl useing me to fix their problems then turning around and kicking me in the teeth for my troubles. personallly death would be a blessing for me. at least then i would be at peace from the memories and the pain. yes i have thought about eating the bullet, i have gone so far as to have the loaded gun under my chin and my finger caressing the trigger. y didnt i apply the 3 lbs of pressure idk. today the woman i love that i truly love told me that she is pregnant. now for the other shoe it aint mine she broke up with me the night before thanksgiving. and then went and got pregnant. wat am i supposed to say to this i have no idea im the one that everyone runs to with a problem and im stumped as to wat im supposed to do. i want to cry but i swore a long time ago i would shed no more tears for anyone especially myself. wat scares me the most is that all she has to do is say she wants me back and i would be there in a heartbeat. no questions asked. but i also know deep down that it wouldnt be for the right reasons. the only thing ive ever wanted was to be loved and to love someone in return. now i know that it will never happen because it just aint in the cards for me. and u know the gun is looking better and better all the time. everyone ive talked to now remember these are ppl that i have helped at one time or anouther have shunned me because im not supposed to have these feelings and im the one that is just supposed to be there to suppport them. WELL HERES MY RESPONSE TO YALL FUCK U im through im tired of always being kicked in the teeth so to speak. now jsut so that those ppl that know who im refering to above dont try and do something stupid and blame her this aint her fault. that rests solely on me. i aint decided yet wat im going to do but if i happen to come up missing know this ill never be found. at least my body wont. but then agian i may just keep marching on like usual or not idk nemore.
kiss my ass
