I stand again in the midst of chaos, the random motion of the stillness around me, inside me. The lack of focus and totallity of the confusing frustration. Whirling cosmic nodes, distract me from my center, trying to tear me apart from my core.
With so many questions and doubts, I am like a hurt, scared, and confused child. Seeking solace from a parent, wanting only to pass on my burden to another. Wheather my burden truly be so heavy that I can't carry it or mearly my childish shelfish nature to want things to be simple and easy. Black & White, straight forward, easily seen and comprehended.
Yet as a wise person once said, "Nothing simple is ever easy and nothing easy is ever simple." Yet the simple ignorance of youth, often mistaken for "innocence," is the bliss I seek. Only wishing for the quiet serenity of not knowing how bad things truly are. Having nothing to shield me from all the harsh light and darkness of the rest of humanity. Feeling so hyper-sensitive to everything around me, the grating sound of vehicle gears, to the melody of a soft breeze following a spring rain. I search blindly for solace.
Here we, the wirling chaos of my soul, are standing in front of you. My God and Goddess. Begging in a child's incomprehensible blathering for understanding. Athena, you turn your face away from my weakness and show me images of the strength I seek, filling me with tinsel like hope. Ananta-naga, all imcompassing god, you look into my eyes with your steady, unblinking, gaze and calm me with the knowledge that you are greater than I, and will not let me fail. So long as I have the will to go on.
So I praise you, and find my center whole once again. That stillness that guides me, protecting me from undue harm, and leading me down the right path for me. I might not understand your plan, but I must relearn to trust. So that I won't miss the right choice, path, or person.
"I feel the light within me calling. It is bright, too much so. Yet I must heed it's call and hear it's song." ~C.
