Jonathan626537's blog: "Rants"

The social networking website MySpace has reported a four-fold increase in the number of convicted sex offenders using its service. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/6914870.stm About time! We've got to be more vigilant on these sites. How can they justify allowing 14 year olds to register??

This was on British TV last night. Fooking wicked!

You'll appreciate this more if you're European although some will be understood by you Yanks... David Ginola - Vagina dildo Teddy Sheringham - Teddy Minge rash Ossie Ardiles - Arse is soiled Diego Maradona - O dear, I'm a gonad Tony Blair PM - I'm tory plan B Virginia Bottomley - I'm an evil Tory bigot Michael Heseltine - Elect him, he's alien David Mellor - Dildo marvel Dame Agatha Christie - I am a right death case The Metropolitan Police Force - I'm fellatio, the erect porno cop Benson and Hedges - NHS been a godsend Selina Scott - Elastic snot Mel Gibson - Big melons Gloria Estefan - Large fat noise Chris Rea - Rich arse Martina Navratilova - Variant rival to a man Gabriela Sabatini - Insatiable airbag Irritable Bowel Syndrome - O my terrible drains below Evangelist - Evil's Agent Desperation - A Rope Ends It The Morse Code - Here Come Dots Mother-in-law - Woman Hitler Semolina - Is No Meal

This is a hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap from here to hell Can never get rid of that fucking smell

Why do I keep getting blokes checking me out??? Am I turning into a gay icon or something???

Okay, why do really ugly people put a fake picture up in their profile for poor unsuspecting punters like me who then goes to their gallery and sees someone who'd make Jabba the Hutt look like a Weightwatchers champion? This is worse than those bloody morphing photos (see earlier rant)!! At lease on those you can wait for a second and see the truth! Is this just to get profile views to increase ratings? If so it's pish! Get real!!!

Actual call centre conversations !!!!! Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?". Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours". ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?" Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?". Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared." Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing??" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is." Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is." Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach." Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator: "Dark??" Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller: "I can't." Operator: "No? Why not??" Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator: "Tell them you're too f%*%*%g stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

What have you done here? >>>Smoked Weed - £10 >>>Did Acid - £5 >>>Ever had sex at church - £25 >>>Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to >>>you-£40 >>>Had sex with someone you met on Internet - £25 >>>Had sex for money - £100 >>>Vandalised something - £20 >>>Had sex on your parents' bed - £10 >>>Beat up someone - £20 >>>Been jumped - £10 >>>Crossed dressed - £10 >>>Given money to stripper - £25 >>>Been in love with a stripper - £20 >>>Kissed some one who's name you didn't know - £0.10 >>>Hit on someone of the same sex while at work - £15 >>>Ever drive drunk - £20 >>>Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk - £50 >>>Used toys while having sex - £30 >>>Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before - £20 >>>Went skinny dipping - £5 >>>Had sex in a pool - £20 >>>Kissed someone of the same sex - £10 >>>Had sex with someone of the same sex - £20 >>>Cheated on your significant other - £10 >>>Masturbated- £10 >>>Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close >>>friend - £20 >>>Done oral- £5 >>>Got oral- £5 >>>Done/got oral in a car while it was moving - £25 >>>Stole something - £10 >>>Made a dirty home video - £15 >>>Had a threesome - £50 >>>Had sex outdoors - £20 >>>Been in the same room while someone was having sex - £25 >>>Had sex with someone over 10 years older - £20 >>>Had sex with someone under 10 years younger - £25 >>>Been in love with two people or more at the same time - £50 >>>Said you love someone but didn't mean it - £25 >>>Went streaking - £5 >>>Went streaking in broad daylight - £15 >>>Been arrested - £5 >>>Spent time in jail - £15 >>>Peed in the pool - £0.50 >>>Played spin the bottle - £5 >>>Done something you regret - £20 >>>Had sex with your best friend - £20 >>>Had sex with someone you work with at work - £25 >>>Had anal sex - £80 >>>Lied to your significant other - £5 >>>Lied to your significant about the sex being good - £25 >>> >>> >>>Tally it up your fine, >>> >>>When you are done, repost it with "My fine is £........"

Bollocks bollocks bugger and arse! Goddamn French referee!! England lost their sixth straight match and suffered a record home defeat as Dan Carter led New Zealand to victory. Jamie Noon's early try was disallowed - he did score later but Joe Rokocoko and Carl Hayman's tries just before the break put New Zealand well in command. England took the game to the All Blacks in the second half and had a man over when Chris Masoe was sin-binned. But despite tries from Ben Cohen and debutant Shaun Perry, New Zealand continued to cruise to an easy victory. In the first match under England's restructured set-up, Andy Robinson's side were hoping to give something for a record 82,000 crowd to cheer about. But although they showed determination, England were guilty of careless errors at crucial moments and the All Blacks dominated the scrums. The 21-point losing margin was England's worst defeat on home soil - surpassing their 29-11 defeat against South Africa nine years ago. The visitors had Dan Carter to thank for some clinical kicking and the fly-half, whose tally rose to 26 points, put them into an early lead after England were guilty of keeping their hands in a ruck. But England hit straight back with some quick handling sending Noon clear. The Newcastle centre had Danny Grewcock outside him but chose to go it alone and seemed to have grounded the ball after rolling over the line under some All Black tackling. But referee Joel Jutge called for the video and no try was awarded because it was not conclusively clear that Noon had grounded. Noon did get his name on the try-sheet later in the half, reacting quickly to scoop up Anthony Allen's pass that had bounced behind Iain Balshaw and sprinting over the line. But the All Blacks had already established a healthy cushion by then, thanks to Aaron Mauger's try, which was set up for him by Rico Gear, and Carter's clinical kicking. And two tries just before the break put the visitors almost out of sight. Firstly Rokocoko intercepted Allen's telegraphed pass to race up the pitch and touch down. Then in the last action of the half, Carl Hayman crossed over the line after a neat passing movement stemming from a dropped pass by Lewis Moody, which Rokocoko carried up the field. Despite that double whammy, England came out full of heart in the second half and were almost instantly rewarded for continuing to take the game to the All Blacks. A long and laboured move ended with Cohen diving over on the wing and England were threatening to build some momentum but the All Blacks struck back in typically ruthless fashion. Carter brushed off Allen's feeble attempt at a tackle to break the England line and sprint clear for a simple try. England hung on, with Perry charging down Mauger's kick and taking the ball down the other end for a memorable debut try. A glimmer of hope for the home side came when Masoe was sin-binned for getting caught underneath Cohen. But Hodgson missed the easy penalty that resulted and the All Blacks even extended their lead despite being a man down. Carter rounded off his man-of-the-match performance with a couple more penalties as England's new rugby supremo Rob Andrew was given plenty to think about ahead of England's defence of their world crown next year.

Okay, why do guys put pictures of women in their main profile pics??? I mean, are they trying to get other guys to look at them? Are they benders or something? Not saying I'm a homophobe. I live with a gay guy and he's superb. However, what's the point of trying to attract guys to your page unless you like it up the chuff??!!!