Big Dog's blog: "Rants n Shit"

Yeah, yeah, ok, I know, we ALL know, what's the fuckin' difference right? Well, the difference is I got a half-brother that needs to rot there, and my lil' brother got sent for stupid shit just this afternoon. God, Jesus, Kitche Manitou, SOMEBODY fuckin' help me, give me strength. My older, stupid, crackhead half-brother gets off on gettin' wasted and beating the shit out of women. My lil' bro, he had some douche backdoor his computer and loaded all kinds of nasty shit on it. Since it was my bro's computer, he got jacked for it. The fuckin' douche who fucked him over best not continue breathing. If I get 1/1,000,000,000th of a chance, I'll kill him publicly. No shit. Shoot first, who-cares-about-questions kinda thing. Then I'll gut, nut, and hang the fuck by his own intestines. Maybe a nice Colombian necktie. Well, I'll figure that out later. They put my bro in jail 'til his sentencing hearing in December. Nevermind the fact that he's the primary breadwinner in his family, or that he HAD a good job. Not considering the fact that his wife and 2 kids need him. What the fuck's wrong with this country anymore? "Don't worry about the criminals, the law don't care either!" Come on, we need someone to stand up and defend the citizens from the criminals AND the law system that seems to coddle them. KILL 'EM ALL, LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKIN' SHIT, MAN, ARE YOU SERIOUS????!!!!! Goddamn!!! Talk about a shitty fuckin' weekend! Friday, I take the !fried! amp and my sub out of my truck, put a fuckin' screwdriver through my left hand. Alright, fine, what-the-fuck-ever. Go see the doc to be safe, wasted damn trip, he told me to "just keep an eye on it". Sure. Go out to my truck this afternoon, (9/2/07) all my shit scattered and my CDs gone. SHIT!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!! ASS-LICKIN', DONKEY RAPIN', SHIT EATIN', PISS DRINKER!!!!!!!!!! C'MON, now what????!!!!!!! Fuckin' shoot me already, before one of my kids does it first. Bad enough I gotta put up with the shitty fuckin' truck, but my MUSIC????!!!! Fuckin' coward douchebags. Fuck, gimme a break already. I'm about to go postal for God's sake, don't make me kill anybody! (again) DAMN!!!!!

Well, I guess "when it rains, it pours", but in my case it seems to be pourin' acid all over my sanity. I have ALOT of difficulty getting around since my legs are about gone. Today I had to replace the brakes on my truck. All 4 sets. Right now I hurt so bad dying wouldn't even give me relief. My whole body is swollen from heat exhaustion, even though I'm still a bit dehydrated. Why the fuck can't I get a break? I mean, it's not TOO much of a pipe dream to be hideously wealthy. (hold on, a sec, I can't stop laughing) But come on, just give me a decent vehicle and enough money to not have to stress over bills EVERY fuckin' month, maybe even be able to play a little and save. I mean, come on, can't a cripple get a LITTLE love????????

Holy Shit to the 10th power, and then some. I have just realized that I don't care. Humanity is in the shitter, and it don't bother me at all. Wow. I'm more jaded than I thought. I've lost any remaining respect for life. There are so many people in the world that I wish would just go and DIE, that I no longer keep track. For the most part, individual people are the least troublesome. However, mob mentality generally rules. This concerns me. Take into account the current crop of Iraqi War protesters. The reports of hiring migrant workers and day laborers to protest? What the fuck???!!! And anti-gun freaks? Go die. This great country that you are unwilling to leave was forged with firearms. Take, for example, England and Australia, both countries have enacted STRICT limitations on firearms. Did it help the crime rates in these countries? NO!! Very much the opposite. Crime has risen steadily every year since the limits have been in place. There's a saying: "When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns." The worst period in history where gun bans and restrictions were enacted? WWII, by none other than the Nazi party. They then were able to slaughter 10 million Jews, and millions more Allied soldiers fighting to stop their insanity. People are always saying that we need to look at the lessons of the past in order to improve the future. I have studied the past, seen the present, and fear the future. Our children deserve better. I'll teach mine Marksmanship, Civility, and Patience. What will you teach yours?

If it were possible for me to be anymore frustrated and repulsed by my current physical situation, that would truly be amazing. I sound like an old man talkin' about "What was and what should have been". I have been shot, cut, kicked, beaten with sticks, bats, a CAR, and healed just fine, infact, except for my thumb, and my nose nothing was broken real bad. Now, on the flip side, I could tear some shit UP!!!! First day, Senior Year, some little skuz gets in my face tellin me that I am his new "dog". Maybe someone aught've taught that little freak shit fuck a lesson in hierarchy. I was not king of the class, but our little tribe did quite well. Now flash forward 11-12 years. In the last several weeks, I have been burned, cut several times, and I think I broke my foot. All of my previous woundings amounted to alotta JACK SHIT. Now, I have been dealt the true to god dead mans hand. Now every injury heals so slow it's painful. One perfect meal (i.e., rare T-bone steak, real homemade au gratin potatoes, buttered corn on the cob, dinner rolls, pie, cake, and Ice cream.) will kill me slowly and painfully. I'd love to take up weight lifting again, but it's too stressfull on my joints. So, I spend about 1-2 hours just checking the house for little quick fixes, fix 'em, make tweeks to the kid's bikes, just stupid shit in general. Goddamn this fuckin disease. Someone needs to figure some shit out RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! The suicide rate for this rancid placenta of a disease is already way too fucking high!

Well, in my infinite wisdom, I traded my pickup and got an Olds Bravada. My rationalization being that I would have more room for the family. Better gas mileage kinda helped it along, too. Now, I guess I'm kinda fubar now. In the past couple of months I have replaced: the radiator, lower heater hose, water pump, and a slew of little shit. I just wanna rebuild the drivetrain and get the little stupid shit all fixed. I need a blower motor relay for my heat and a/c now. I am still trying to figure out if my window and door lock switches are shit or if it's the relay for that too. I'm too fuckin' crippled up to be doing this by myself.

I am so burned out. I want to cry but I can't. If I'm gonna die soon, I wanna die happy. I have done some horrible things. Some under the guise of friendship, most in pursuit of survival. I have alot to confess to, but He's not getting my messages. maybe Hes' given up on me. I feel numb lately. Well, I feel horny and numb. I'm a sex addict, I use physical pleasure as a subtitute for emotion. I have made some progress on turning that around. Yay, me! I don't think that my previous head injuries help matters any.

Well, I guess I am so much closer to hell. I am falling apart, or more appropriately, Kool-aiding myself to death. Didn't think that was possible did ya? Well, I am now "pre-diabetic", or "insulin-resistant". I also am developing high blood pressure on top of everything else. I am sick of this shit. Someone fuckin' kill me already.