and then some days just fill you with every negative emotion. and not that the whole day is bad. just something that obliterates the good from your mind.
Anger, blinding, infuriating anger. the kind that makes you want to destroy and break things, regardless of your nature against such things. you can still feel it welling up inside as you fight to control it, push it back down. then comes the felling of loss and emptiness. like a plastic bag in the wind on a negative 12 degree day in an empty back lot of a forgotten hardware store. thats the one that makes you question the idea of life and wonder if you can die from this emotion. at a loss for rational thinking, desperately wanting to be asleep but know that if you try the empty scilence only gets louder.
what ifs" start to roll around at this point and that brings on regret and guilt. all of this, however, all of this brings you right back to anger mostly at yourself for not knowing what to do with it all and no idea how to deal with the past present or future. and for all of the emotional strength you've shown in the past it breaks you down till you get numb for awhile, till you almost block it all away and can pretend to be yourself again. damn distractions are about all that keeps you on track for awhile, then it moves on again till the next time anyway. cant die cant live just keep moving man keep moving. all will continue
