Hey all, I'm just here to get a few things off of my chest. It'll probably sound like I’m repeating myself, but this is the only way i know to get some relief. It's just that i feel like I’m on the edge. Everything has become some difficult now and it's becoming very hard to deal with life in general. Part of the problem is that I worry about peoples feelings, I like to keep the people around me happy even if I’m not I feel at least someone deserves to be. Right now I’m mentally drained, I feel like I have this huge boulder on my shoulders and my knees are starting to buckle. I feel that if I don't get out of this rut I’m in that I’m gonna lose myself completely. I mean I barely get to leave this house unless it's to go to the store or to grab some food. All of my friends have moved on with there lives where as I can't even get a job. Everyone runs around with this you can get a job if you really wanted one, if it was that easy I would've had one a long time ago. I'm tired of everyone coming to me thinking the know how to solve everything. When I do try to explain myself to someone they don't understand and that's even more frustrating. I'd rather just keep everything bottled up inside then deal with condescending individuals. I was hoping to have accomplished so much by now, but I’ve yet to accomplish a damn thing. My mama criticizing everything I do does not help the way that I am right now. From how much ketchup I give my sister to how I wear my clothes.
To escape from everything I now go to chatrooms a lot. In the hopes that I can escape this meaningless existence of mine. I go in laugh joke around in a constantly failed attempt to stuff my pain into the back of my head. I also do a lot of gaming; at least killing animated things give me a little comfort because I am able to take out my frustrations. I've gotten lost for hours on in with this multi player RPG (role playing game) called knight online. These are the only ways I’ve been able to keep myself from going completely insane. I don't even know how much longer this is going to help me though. So that's how it is, right now I’m on the brink of losing it. I’m on the edge ready to just leap off. I'm hoping sometime in the near future that something will happen to save me from myself. Otherwise I have no clue what's going to happen. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to peer into my world. I'll talk to you all later.
