I've come to the realization that life is just what it is. You can't change it, so you have to learn how to deal with all the things it throws at you. The things that happen to you are the things that make you; you. So there really isn't a point to hold grudges. If you don't like me? That's fine.. I don't care.. it's probably over something trivial like a guy.. who really wasn't worth it anyway. I'm nice.. I've always been nice.. and I have always done for others before I'd do for myself. I realize there's no point in that either because most of the time it goes un-noticed.. along with other reasons. I say it's pointless.. but I won't ever be able to change who I am.. I will always be that nice girl who does everything for everyone that gets the shit end of the stick. But that's life I guess. And it's so hard to trust people.. maybe it's just the people I am trusting.. I always seem to pick the winners.. but even my own family.. (excluding my mom, dad, sister and brother) they can't keep their mouths shut for shit. And they always have something to say.. but they want to be all secretive about it.. like don't tell anyone else... and the only reason I don't say anything is because I don't want to hurt someone I loves feelings.. because unlike them I have a heart.. and I care about people. It's kind of disgusting when you can't even stand some of your own family.. and you put them in the same category as your so called best friendships that turned to shit because they were assholes. And then you get those douche bags that come into my job knowing that I dislike them because, they're assholes or they send their friends in thinking I don't even know what giving me dirty looks like they're so much better then me.. first of all, look at you. Second of all I will ask you what you want without even acknowledging the fact that I know who you are, because that's my job. Like is it supposed to bother me that you come in there? No.. I think it's funny there a a million bakeries in the world and you have to come to mine. Why? I guess cause you have nothing better to do? Maybe it will start something? Looking for some drama? I don't know what you are thinking.. but nothings going to happen. Not like you need them but, Here is your shitty quarter pound of rainbow cookies douche bag. Grow up.
Bitter? Your damn right. It's not so much the the people or my family that make me bitter it's that my life is at a fucking stale mate there is no where to go nothing to do nothing to chage. Yes, there are a million and one things I could be doing other then this.. but when you make less then 300 bucks a week where the hell am I supposed to go... 300 is fine for now.. it's not like I spend more then that a week anyway.. but it still isn't a lot. I am tryng to get back to school.. I can't go back to Suffolk because I refuse to pay the money they are telling me I owe.. how could I possible owe anything? I had more then enough financial aid.. I had over a 1000 sent back to me and then I withdrew and all the money got set back. SO how the fuck do I own them money? It's not like I was going to school. They're douche bags too. I am trying to get into this boces thing.. I just have to enroll but I can't start that till January.. just like anywhere else I'd wanna go. I would love to move out of this shit hole town.. to anywhere! Accept Forida or someplace hot. I need to have seasons. Away from my past... the shitty family, the douche bags that think they are better then everyone.. and just every thing else. Thank god for the few friends that I still have and have had for a while.. those friends who I could not talk to for months at a time and then start hanging out again and it's like we never skipped a beat.. everyone needs to be like that. And for new friendships... and for the people that really care about me.. because life is shitty and depressing these days and without all of them to talk to I would really totally and completely hate life right now.
Ha wow, how shitty is this? I am just going to shut up now. I just felt like typing.. but once my mind gets to thinking it doesn't want to stop.
