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What are you waiting for?
Do you care that everytime you come into my mind I have such an enourmous need to see you once again? That it breaks my heart when you tell me that you care. I am so full of love for you that I want to cry when I see your name, when I remember your laugh, when I think of the time spent with eachother. I despise you sometimes. You always give me false hope of one day, someday, but in my heart I know it will never be. I guess Im just to afraid to let go. I wish I could. I want to... I need to. I deserve so much better than a man that can continually tell me he cares and doesnt show me one bit of truth in the statement. I am sometimes ashamed of myself for loving you so much. Embarressed at times that I want to weep in the regret I have. I sometimes blame myself for our seperation... What can I do to rid my mind, heart and soul of the devotion I have to you??? I pray to God and ask him to heal the pathetic peices of my heartthat still remain and yet I still cant stop loving you! Why? Why do you have this control over my heart. What is it about you that makes me not want to seek the affection of any other? Why does my whole heart cry out to be loved by you once more? I sometimes wish you had died... it would be so much easier to bear than the pain I feel at this very moment remembering the times we would gaze into eachothers eyes and get lost into our own world. The times when you made me feel that our worlds would end without eachother. How did you do this to me!? How did you wrap me so tightly around your finger. When you show me signs of affection my heart jumps to life like a marionet. My whole soul seems to keep going because I know you are out there! But my mind lets me know, that you are gone. You seem to linger in my life but I do not assume that any actions towards reconciliation loom in the future. Hope is lost to the fantasy world, the reality is this I must let go to move on. Somehow... I regret only losing you. You were my greatest love, my greatest friend, my greatest injury. No person will ever be able to mend the damage you have done to my heart, nor be able to break down the walls that our relationship, and its end, created. I hate that I love you, and forever Ill hate you.
