Clockwork Green's blog: "Randomosity"

So.

Another blog to try and express the chaotic thoughts rocketing through some grey matter I call a cerebra cortex.  It is only a big bunch of nerves and chemicals.  Hell, that is all that I am -- a large collection of atoms, chemicals, and electrical impulses.  None of those things ever feel pain.

Why the hell then do I hurt?  Where can it come from?  Why is it that this emotion called Love can cause more damage than anything else on Earth?  I can see what physical interactions do to the muscle, sinew, bones, chemicals, and even electrical processes in the body, but why is it that Love can do more and not leave a single mark?

It makes no sense.

I know there is no particle for Love, but yet I feel a great chasm where mine should be.  Einstein could not figure this out either.  We know light is both a particle and a wave without knowing how or why, but no one can tell me why Love has no form or substance but it acutely noticable when it is absent.

I sit here contemplating this as text after text scrolls by.  I look up and see woman after woman popping up in the Blast box.  Each seems friendly and some even suggest more, but I know it is all a lie.  None of them care about me.  How could they?  They do not even know I exist.  Yet, we are all here.  Many of us seek the same thing; a filling of that hole made by the absence of substance without existence -- Love?

Some may say it is just lust, not Love.  However, we all seem to crave it.  Even if we find the exact neurotransmitters to wire our brains to happy, we still seek out the warmth of another human.

Feh.

I keep my window open all year.  I will freeze out everything until only the basics remain.  Descartes had the idea, but he only did it in thought.  I will go further.  I will become nothing but thought.  Once there, I will see what is real and what is not.

Cogito ergo sum... My Latin is horrible, but I can do this.

I guess we shall see?

Then again, maybe Love will remember I exist and be nice to me for once... for once would be nice...