**** I NEED TO SLEEP ****
Will this world ever let me shine..
Shall I ever break these ties that bind..
Star light eyes remain blind..
Silenced like an abused child..
One look slits my tounge.. leaves me with words never to be spoken..
One more cold good bye..deep sigh..on each breath I'm choking..
I sleep no more..head lain to rest.. on a pillow of thorns..
Every time I close my eyes to sleep..Flood gates open.. old wounds cut deep..
I pray to god screaming inside..Please jesus replace self hate with pride..
Show me the sun ..walk hand in hand..
Show me real life..with no inhibition..and..nothing to hide..
Open my heart to love full force..Open my faith to embrace yours..
Allow My inner child peace..Allow my children the chance to succeed....
Let them feel proud when told.. your just like mommy..
Let them see what lives inside my heart..Show my daughters what STRONG SMART women can be..
when raised with love ..spirits shall fly ..set free.. Allow those girls to see me for me..
Not this mess I have allowed anothers shameful behaviour to create within me..
If ever I ask for anything..If ever I'm shameless and begging the truth ..
Please show me the reality behind this insanity once youth..
Show me the reason for bruises and shame.. show me what I did..did I deserve such pain..
Show me the path clear of debris..Show me your plan..is who I am who I was ment to be..when you created me..
Was I joke..Maybe spare parts combined..Was I the project haphazardly thrown together..during over time..
were you tired ..worn out and scorned..Was I created with wings..Or designed for horns..
Let me know for I am weak..I need guidence..I need sleep!
When I lay in the dark..Eyes wide open heart shut tight..
Fear of life.. empowering endless nights..
I cannot sleep..I dare not dream..
My nightmares shall consume me..
I'll feel a touch..his shadow shall loom..My body twitches..My chest ignites..
Please god take my life..Dont let this reality be my all..Catch me lord..break my fall..
Give me hope..calm the anxiety..calm the fight..
Take me lord i'm yours tonight..
I mean not in death ..but in your hand..
I am ready to live..to grow to plan..
I want to be free to smile from joy..
To be a mother..to be what I see im my mind..
to be the person I believe you intended of me..by design
To love fear free
Is all I ask..to hug and kiss and share a laugh..
Win or lose ..fat or thin..Love myself from outside in..
To just be happy knowing I tried..with no regret come the day i died..
Will the world let me shine..
will my words ever be spoken with out reprecussion..
Will I ever feel whole..feel i'm something..replace this nothing..
Will I ever I speak with confidence..with knowledge of topic..
with educated assurance..with no worry of blame
with out fear of being someones pain..
Will the demons inside ever be slain..
I need to forgive and forget..I need to let go..
and never regret..I need to be free..I need to be me!
