Necrobabe's blog: "Random thoughts...."

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Channeled Thought The pain is lying to you There is no pain, just knowing There is no pain, just knowing This cannot be emphasized enough If intent is pure, what is created can do no wrong If wrong occurs, examine the intent If the intent is examined and nothing is revealed Someone is lying, someone is deceived Both may be the same someone or another This is the universal principle There is no pain, just knowing Right and wrong exist Neither of which create pain Neither of which encourage inactivity They are the principle of choice Pain is a wrong choice Inactivity is a wrong choice Observe the context and act Choosing inactivity or pain is wrong Examine the intent If nothing is revealed Someone is lying, someone is deceived Lying is a wrong choice When pain ‘seems’ examine the intent (the origin of action) Know who is the liar And who is the one deceived

Why I think im going crazy I was perfectly normal….about to go out and meet friends….evening time and feeling fine. Then suddenly my brain activity slowed down; I felt it slip away. I turned the lights off in my room and turned the music volume absurdly loud, locking myself into my room. I lay down on my bed, quietly observing myself do so (from where?). I lay with my eyes open for a while, feeling the vibrations of the bass seeping into the mattress below me – my senses turned acute. I got an image – a second dimension opened up as I let my eyes close (did they close?). I’m lying on the bed; the phone by my side. It is 45 minutes later and someone is calling me. Its nadya. I answer the phone after letting it ring three times (perhaps I could have let it ring forever). “Hello?” “Hi dawn!” “Who is this?” “This is nadya you fool!” “Nadya? I know you nadya.” “You know me?” “Yes. I know a lot about you. I was there remember? When you looked up. Do you remember the picture frame? Do you remember a figure deep in the scenery?” “dawn, what the hell are you talking about?” “Do you remember the looking in the photograph frame? I was in it, watching you.” Snap back. Back to where? I’m in my bed and my eyes are open. Did that conversation happen? Of course not. It happened in my head. Could I make it real? Of course I could, but to what end? Why did it occur? What was it trying to say? Sinking again... The phone is ringing, “Hello?” “Hi dawn!” “Who is this?” “This is nadya you fool!” “Nadya? I know a lot about you nadya.” “Oh really. What do you know?” Blanked out. Blanked out. There were images here in my mind but they have become distorted with time. I couldn’t reach the computer fast enough. They were grotesque; strange, even horrific. Their content? Was that what was horrific? Or was it the fear of reality distorting? Was it the fact that you know you’re making it up in your mind. Or is it the fact that its not part of your mind – just there. Why is it there? Why is it there? I think I’m going crazy. Sinking again… The phone rings, “Nadya” “dawn!” “I knew you’d call” “Whats wrong dawn ? You sound...” “Nadya, I think I’m going crazy” “Wha? Huh? You were okay just a couple of hours ago. What's wrong dawn.” “I don’t know. I can’t speak about it...i don’t know...do picture frames…do you remember the picture frames?” “What picture frames? dawn? What picture frames?” Broken the cycle. Its out in the open now. Half an hour has gone by. How fast can I type? 15 minutes remain before the phone call and already I know what will happen and what I will do. Eyes…were they open on the bed or closed? Did I see all that or hear all that. Wait. I’m back on the bed again and sinking. This is the past. This is the past... The phone rings. “Nadya” “dawn!” “I’m quite sure I’m going crazy” “dawn? What are you talking about? What's wrong?” “I don’t know what's wrong…The picture frames…and there were some things I saw; but you wouldn’t understand.” “Picture frames?” “Yes. I was there. I was in a picture frame watching you. Except it wasn’t me. It was something else…but it was me because I saw it...just before you called. I knew you’d call too.” “What did you see?” “Through the picture frames? I cant tell you. I would tell you, but I don’t remember myself. That’s why I went running to this computer you see. So I could type all this down. So I don’t forget. So I have something to show you and myself. I think I’m going crazy.” “dawn...you’re not going crazy okay. Sunno, we *insert what you say – idle chit chat about meeting up and sorting things out there*” “I knew you would say that. I knew it.” “dawn, you don’t know everything. Quit thinking you do, its driving you crazy.” There isn’t a choice though. Is there? I made one choice. I made the choice to type all this down. 8 minutes to go before the call. What will I say? I will say nothing of this. I will send this to you. Just so you know, I think I’m going crazy, and it haunts me. And what of the picture frames...

Went to Monster Jam in oakland the other night. Decided to go to it late, got there late, and got home late.. but what else is new? I have to admit that ever since last year, when I was at Monster Jam at the Arco Arena, I have been a die hard fan of the Gravedigger.. Even though Arco is inside, super small, and really no room for the trucks to perform at their best ability, the crowd was amped! The show was hot,and Gravedigger was off the hook! Waited the whole show in oakland to see his freestyle performance, and of course he was last. The fucktard flipped his truck in the first 30 sec. OMG! I wanted to shed a tear, was so let down.. (sigh) Monster Mutt Dalmation lmao the truck lookks like a doggie. with a ears and a long tail that sticks up in the air. Oh when it jumped the tail wagged, ears flopped to. what will be next wacked out monster truck? Maybe a Dinosaur, a pretty purple one. Oh wait, wait, that truck was there too. A purple Dinosaur. Come the fuck on! WTF ever happened to Bigfoot! Maybe the Batman truck took him away and is hiding him in the BATCAVE!... okay im done, just venting a tad. We had a great time! I have pics,just need to add em.CYA!

Someone just asked me if I was 24/7 or just big time play with a little bit of vanilla... Just big time play? Like its a bad thing? Like being enslaved 24/7 is the only ideal? I am enslaved all the time, but probably not in the same way a lot of people define it.I can sink into that headspace at just a click of his fingers, a glance, or something really small, but, yeah, I have a ‘real life’ too - and couldnt function without one. I have been thinking quite a lot recently about what it is that I actually want. What I actually am, and whether I can be ‘better’. At the moment I would say, being brutually honest, I am a masochist, and one who loves intolerable pleasure. There’s more to it than masochism though. I am also a lover of being controlled, of being brainwashed, and feeling as though I am"his",I like play being combined with reassurance of who is in control and of the fact that someone can push my amazinglittle buttons in my head with orgasmic results. ultimately…no doubt I am a brat who will be controlled and completely undone - and deep down thats what I really want.

You know when you are searching for something on the net, and you find something you’re not looking for but makes you laugh……well here’s something that I found with a bit of bite for you… from the "rapex" website Anti-rape Device to Hit the Market Anti-rape device created by South-African inventor Sonnet Ehlers is about to hit the market after a long time of waiting for patent verification. The female condom-like device called Rapex has fish-like teeth that attach to the penis. This invention stirred a great deal of controversy all over the world. The main concern is whether the Rapex was a medieval device built on a hate of men or it can be considered an easy-to use devise that could help South African women protect themselves against rape. According to Sonnet Ehlers the process of cheking is going to be up on April 10. Sonnet Eshlers publicly announced her invention one and half years ago and shot to international fame as the invention stirred debates about advantages and disadvantages of Rapex. The inventor took part in British and Australian radio shows and was interviewed by South American journalists. Eshler said that she was not a male hater, she simply wanted to help African women to protect themselves against rape. Though the device might seem a good weapon to fight rape, Eshler has many opponents. Even such organization as Rape Crisis Cape Town does not consider Rapex to be a solution to the social problem of rape and considers such a devise to be likely to increase female vulnerability to violence. Eshler insists on the fact that the main advantage of her invention is that it could give a woman attacked by a rapist some vital seconds to escape the criminal while he is busy dealing with pain caused by the device. This would be great pain as 25 teeth of the device that is inserted in the vagina attach themselves to the head and the shaft of the penis. What is more, she says the device will help with proving the crime as the rapist will have to go to a doctor to have the fish-like teeth removed. The product is going to be be mass-produced in China next month”