Reality Chick's blog: "Random thoughts."

Well, as you can see, I never did delete my account. But, as to what else is new in my life, here's a list. Separated from the hubby. Lost my grandmother to a stroke. Moving back home (no, not in with my mother, just back to my home state.) I know all of the above sounds pretty shitty but don't worry about me. It's all good. Life may not be going the way I planned but it all the unexpected shit seems to be pointing me in a direction that makes me happier anyway. So, much love to my friends and maybe I will see you around when I get settled. xoxo

After much consideration, I am leaving CherryTap. A line has been crossed and it cannot be uncrossed. I drew a line in the sand years ago that my online life and my personal life would not interfere with each other. Thanks to a few childish people on CherryTap, my personal life is in an upheaval. My husband has been dragged in as well. So to the people that caused this, thank you for reaffirming my belief that people suck and I am better off far out in the country with a bunch of animals than here surrounded by people To my friends, I will miss you all. I will leave this up for about a week and then will delete my account. Sorry that a few rotten apples spoil it for everyone.

This was a blog made by a friend of mine. The surpising thing is that he's a man and he figured all this out. I post it now for your enjoyment and to show him how much a woman truely appreciates a man that can get it right. 41 MISTAKES MEN MAKE DURING SEX answers collected from asurvey of my real life friends. Comedy added by Dark Angel. Comedy was needed otherwise men really look quite stupid, women should have come with an owners manual so we would know what all the buttons do and where they are located. No wait we would file that in the glovebox and never read it. 1) Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay. 2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts. 3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance. 4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them. 5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't. 6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points. 7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnons: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention. 8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off. 9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it. 10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris. 11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not. 12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy. 13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not. 14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it. 15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not. 16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons. 17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is at his absolute worst. Lose the socks fist. 18) GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts. 19) GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds. 20) COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too. 21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man. 22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask. 23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris. 24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her. 25) NOT SHAVING PT.2 Men seem to like women to be shaved down below. That's fine. But women like that too. That doesn't mean you have to shave it bare (although, that would be nice), but at least keep it neat and trimmed. There's nothing that turns a girl off more than looking at a penis sticking out of a forest. 26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary. 27) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head. 28) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do. 29) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest. 30) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse. 31) TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them. 32) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no. 33) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest. 34) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings. 35) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't. 36) GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end. 37) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on. 38) TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know. 39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you. 40) SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue. 41) THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen. Now I need comment people, I may be able to add more. Education, education of the inferior sex. This has been a public service announcement from the Department of Better Sex for All sponsored by Dark Angel

I don't know where some of my real life friends got the idea that I have the answers to all their questions, but I get asked about things I really didn't want to know about. I have a friend, who was asking me about a problem she is having, that not only did I not want to know what it was, I don't know what to tell her. Apparently her husband tried to help with their financial problems by going out and turning a trick with a man. He came home and told her about it and gave her all the money he had made. At first she didn't believe he had done it, because no matter how he complained about how much his ass hurt, he apparently spent all day sitting on it without so much as a single squirm. That being said, however, ever since, he hasn't had an erection. So now she's starting to think he really did do it and that her problem isn't just did he cheat on her or not, but is he even straight. This one is way over my head. Not only will I never look at her husband the same way ever again, but I don't hold the litmus (however you spell it) test for how to tell if someone is truely straight or gay. The only thing I could think of was for her to slip him some Viagra without him knowing and try again. I figure if he can't get it up at that point, he may just be gay after all. Most of all, I recommended that she get him some professional help immediately. He's got to be pretty fucked up to think of doing that to solve a money problem. Is there more I should have said? Should I recommend anything else to her? She's a really good friend and I would like to be able to help her in some way, but like I said, this one is way over my head.

I have been hard at work on BG's blanket. And for future reference, top stitching is time consuming. I only wish I could have gotten the alligators to come out right. But half an alligator just doesn't look good. Anyway, I will be back more as soon as this is finished. I just got the 30 blocks top stitched and ready to put together. I just need to sew them up and then top stitch the borders and get them on. I will put up a picture as soon as it's finished. Oh, and I found out one of my favorite celebs is preggo (I sure as hell didn't want to send one to Torrie Spelling. I can't stand her. She couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag.) Here's hoping I can send her a blanket and start getting the stars hooked on them. Should start my business off right. Wish me luck!

I went in today to get a trim as my hair was at my waist. It was getting so long that I had frequent headaches. As I never want to tell my husband, "Not tonight, I have a headache," I planned to have 3-4 inches cut off. Well, I don't know what struck me, but when I opened my mouth to tell him what I wanted, what actually came out was, "If I have enough length to cut off, be able to donate it to Locks of Love, and not end up with a Meg Ryan style hair cut, go for it." So here I sit, with short hair for the first time since I was 9. It will take some getting used to. But, I have a 12 inch ponytail to donate to a group that makes wigs for children with cancer. So it can't be all bad. Hell, my hair is thick enough that they can probably make 2 wigs out of it. I have even though about growing it back out so I can cut it again. Shouldn't be too hard as my hair grows twice as fast as anyone else I know. Who knows. Maybe I will keep it short for a while. The money I will save on conditioner alone... LOL!

For the beginning, refer to the " Damn, I used to be better at this" blog entry. This blog is the aftermath. So, hubby gets home and today I show him my now beautiful and fully cured caulk (Yes, Freak, that's caulk, not chalk.) job. His first question is, "Did you use the stuff that's in the caulk gun?" Yes, I did. He then proceeds to inform me that the stuff in the caulk gun is paintable caulk. (Ok, I'm thinking, what is your point?) Apparently, there are different kinds of caulk. Paintable caulk is for when you put up molding to seal the crack between it and the wall. There is a whole different kind of caulk for bathtubs and showers. Also, DAP apparently makes both types. Didn't know that. Thought caulk was caulk and Dap was the brand for bathrooms. So, ummm, shit. All that work and mess and I have to scrape it all out and redo it. But live and learn and frigging laugh for christ's sake. At least if you read my fuck ups, you will avoid making some of your own. Have a great giggle all.

I hate to get woke (woken?) up for any reason. I particularly hate to get woke up for a stupid reason. The following counts as the stupidest reason ever: We have been having some pretty good rain for a few days. 4:30 am I get startled out of bed by my doorbell ringing which in turn sets my dog to barking. The apartment manager's husband is standing there. Apparently he can't sleep because he hears a drip. The first thing to come to my mind, and thus the first thing out of my mouth is, "No fucking shit, it's raining you asshole." As the stupified look runs across his face, the rest of the thoughts are: How is this my problem? Are you planning to wake me up when you hear thunder during a lightening storm too? It's windy too, do you plan to mention that you can hear it moaning through the eves? Those however, didn't get a voice because I was busy trying not to kill the idiot. So, knowing he is jewish, I asked, "Did you wake me up to ask God to make the rain stop?" He finally manages to mumble something about he wanted to make sure it wasn't something leaking in our apartment. Gee, if something is leaking in my apartment, don't you think I'd know it before you do? Isn't that why I turned in a work order 6 months ago when the faucets in the bathroom went bad and wouldn't shut off all the way? So first thing in the morning (and by first thing I mean 10am), I call the owner and complain. Now the manager is in deep shit. She gets a phone call. She comes up to my apartment to try to change her husband's story of this morning. She tries to tell me that the reason he woke us up was because the drip had turned into a splash. WRONG! First of all, this isn't the first time your idiot, errrr husband, has disturbed us because he can't sleep. Second, if he had meant splash, he would have said splash. Third, if he hears either dripping or splashing or god forbid both during a rain storm, his first thought should be, "(Oh, it's raining" not, "I can't sleep so let's make sure the neighbors can't sleep either." I believe my reaction of rolling my eyes through her whole explanation and the "Yeah, right, nice fucking try, you lying bitch" pretty much covered my thoughts on the matter. The sad part is that I know these people have bred twice already. Will the stupidity never end?

The following are my own. Number 1, part 1. When your SO brings home a bottle of love lube that warms when it gets wet, pay attention during the aftermath. If you hear him say he's going to go wash it off, NOW is the time to remember that it warms when wet, not when you hear the blood curdling scream from the bathroom. Part 2. If you didn't pay attention and you hear said scream, DO NOT begin to laugh hysterically. This action will pretty much guarantee that you are cut off for a week or so. Number 2, part 1. Do not place a bunch of tea lights on a dinner plate thinking that it will be romantic but at the same time give you enough light to play like you usually do with the lights on. Wax melts and the closer the candles are to each other, the bigger the flame. Part 2. Try to rember that melted wax acts much the same way as melted grease when on fire. Do not throw water on said flaming candles. You now have a flare up that will scorch the ceiling, not to mention splattering the walls and whatever surface the plate was on with large blobs of candle wax. The way to handle this one is to grab another dinner plate and invert it on the foot tall flame you have created thus extinguishing it like putting the pan lid on a grease fire. The following were told to me by an elderly gentleman and so have not been tested by yours truely. I was told they apply after 60 and I am not there yet. Never pass a bathroom. Never waste a hard-on. Never trust a fart. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. I hope these help someone avoid an accident waiting to happen. Cheers!