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sometimes when I think i have my life figured out something happens where i get kicked back down to the ground and then kicked in the ribs a few times. my life is a confusing turmoil that no matter how hard I try i can't seem to get things to work out to where everyone involved is happy. i have trouble with giving out my innermost feelings and thoughts because i can't risk opening up without knowing whether or not i'll get hurt in the end. and 90% of the time i end up hurting and trying to cover it all up. i put on my smile and make jokes but the smile is only skin deep the jokes a cheap cover up of what's going on in my head. as my namesake says I'm the joker. and a saying i like to hear is it only takes one bad day to drive the sanest man insane that's how far i am away from that. just one, bad, day.it's hard to stay focused sometimes. my life starts to interfere with my job and that's not good cuz that could get me fired. but i spend 75% of my life on the road working to try to make ends meet. i try not to worry about the things back home but it happens anyway. why should I have to wory about the safety of my loved ones? out of some demented sense of justice and wanting to protect those around me? because of my military background? these things I'll never know
