I’m a dick! No, this is not the famous introduction of a favorite grunting comedian that comes to my mind. I’m just simply a dick. I’ve misled, used, hurt feelings, slept around while single, and showed no feeling, or compassion for many a woman. I cover my actions in the name of honesty. I’ve never cheated and so I’m in the right. Right? But what made me this way? Why do I not trust? Why can’t I find love? To answer this simply is to say “I DON’T KNOW!” I’m no expert on love. I don’t know its entirety. However, I can tell you of what I want, past experiences, and who I am so you may better be the judge of it.
Here is a little history on me. I got married at the age of 18. I was faithful, loving, providing to the best of my ability. I am serving in the USAF and at the time was only an Airman First Class. My son was born of that marriage and his name is Riley. At the writing of this he is 3 years old. The marriage was rocky from the start. She was very childish and I wasn’t very understanding. That ended when she cheated and got pregnant during a deployment I was on. From that point I didn’t receive any calls or get to see my son for 2 years.
The next major relationship I’ve had is Sarah. Sweet, attentive, loving, follows god, perfect in every way eh? Yes she was! What?!?! Did you think I was going to say something else? LoL! However, we got together only 3 weeks after my ex-wife left and to be honest she was very much a rebound. To this day she is my best female friend and my closest friend. As of December 29, 2007 she is now engaged to my best guy friend Josh. I introduced them and they hit it off splendidly. Even with all my pride I have to admit I couldn’t of matched a better pair. They compliment each other perfectly and he can make her much more happy than I ever could.
After Sarah comes Joanne(aka Roxy). Roxy and Sarah are complete opposites in every way. Roxy and I fought every day we were together. She was conniving, self-indulged, shallow, superficial, ignorant, and she tried to change everything I hold dear. I wasn’t even allowed to have pictures of my son up cause he “represented my past which I needed to let go”. She was the worst possible relationship anyone could ever have. She left me for an ex of hers that left her because she got pregnant. But they “Loved” each other so much! LoL! All I have to say is keep her dude. Good luck with them spoiled apples!
The next major relationship is Cynthia. She is the classic Texas girl on the outside. Sweet, sexy, and an attitude about as big as the state! Thank the lord she was good at controlling it though. We were actually engaged at one point but she kept me in the back ground in her life. I never met any of her friends, family, co-workers. It was very much a strange relationship. I never went to see her. She always came to me. We broke up due to the strange behavior of never meeting anyone on her side and it sounded like she wasn’t ready to be open about us.
After Cynthia came Crystal. Crystal was a whirlwind relationship. It started and got serious way too quickly. Within a week she moved in due to circumstances and my “take in a puppy” nature. Not exactly my type as far as physically I thought she had a fun personality. However she couldn’t take care of her own son, bills, or even manage her own stress! My rules of the household are as follows. If you don’t work then your job is the house; like cleaning, laundry, ECT. If you do work then it’s all 50/50. She never worked till the end and still didn’t keep up the house. I always cooked dinner and she never did. That relationship ended when Sarah and I helped her get a job on base and she started sleeping with her supervisor.
These aren’t the only relationships I’ve had but they’re the only ones worth mentioning. All I’ve wanted was a relationship that is Honest, Faithful, and Loving! I want a woman that is fun in the bedroom but doesn’t feel she needs to cheat. She must be sweet, smart, caring, loving, goofy, serious at times, confident, diligent, compassionate, sexual, and fun. Someone I can take to church and to the bar, someone who brings out the best in me. Someone that keeps my interest and also keeps me guessing. Basically, I’m looking for a true love.
What is love? If you look in a dictionary it might not be so straightforward as other definitions. To me love is a bonding, a joining of two souls. Two people that live their lives for each other, not as slaves but by will. It’s important that your significant other bring out the best and worse in you. If they can do that then both you and them can deal with any problems the future might bestow on you. It’s amazing the hardships our worlds “greatest” couples faced and overcame. Overwhelming odds, desperate situations, famine, war, and yet they prevailed. Why? I believe the reason is because they never gave up. They had the 3 things in a relationship I talked about earlier. With those things anything is possible and anything can be worked out.
So why am I a dick? Perhaps I shouldn’t be sometimes. I like to tell myself that I simply “know what I want and wont settle for less”. All I know is that I want to love and to be loved in return. That is what life is about.
