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Earlier today I was in such a great mood. I did not realize the date until I called my mom and she told me to say a prayer for my dad. I sat and thought about it. Today is April 22nd. He died 7 years ago today. While I did pray I felt horrible for almost forgetting. I felt guilty as though I had forgotten my father and the memories I had of him. Right now I am sitting here just reflecting and I miss that man. He was such an amazing father and such a great husband to my mother. This day when we lost him I shall never forget it for so many reasons...but mainly what plays in my mind is how cold he felt when I said goodbye to him and I saw the life leaving his body and he got that pale color soulless bodies take on as a person dies. I remember wondering what we were going to do now that he is no longer with us. I still have days where I wonder how we are able to make it. I look at my mom and wonder how she must feel to have lost him. Rest in Peace Dad, Jesus Lopez, known as Jesse to many and Big Jes to others but to me he was Dad...he was more than just my father, he was the rock of the family, the glue that made our family stay together. He was my support during so much and I miss him to where there are days I wish he could answer questions I have. I hope he is in peace right now. I love you Dad. We all miss you. I know you are with your parents and your brother and two sisters but there are times we all wish you were still here with us. Soon we will all be together again. God Bless you.
I look at you and admire your stance of royalty To me you are a king who can conquer any adversary successfully You are determination, success and drive As you set your mind to do something ...you do it with great pride. Beautiful soul I see a loving, caring, and compassionate man Daily you face the struggles of life as you keep that head up high You are intelligence, strength, and the product of love shared between two. To me there could never be another person quite like you. Raquel P. Lopez
Don’t build my hopes up Because you will knock them down Don’t whisper sweet nothings in my ear Because you keep denying your feelings Don’t look my way Because you keep looking at others Don’t say you want me Because in reality you just want what was in between my legs Don’t pretend you like me Because the only person you like is yourself Don’t say you want to be with me Because it is by choice you are single Don’t make me feel the way that I do Because you just keep knocking me down daily Don’t try to wipe my tears Because you are the cause of them Don’t stay beside me Because you rather be alone and miserable Don’t even think of me Because I have let you go and I won’t come back Don’t try to fix it Because you already broke it Don’t. Raquel Lopez September 18, 2007
I hear so many times how good guys never get looked at but as I sit and think things true the same is said for those good women who may not be the most gorgeous women in the world by society's standards or even by you and your boys's standards but we are "cute"in some way. What about those females who are cute and are always having your backs? When will we get our appreciation or get the chance to be made to feel like nobody else around is as pretty as they are? In this life there are so many wants and desires that we as women probably want but mostly we want ...even if just for that one second in time to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world to that one special man. Too often we are made to feel like the ugliest, especially when he claims to love us but then runs around taking double takes at the next gorgeous, scantily clad woman that walks by and he is saying how fine she is or how GORGEOUS she was. That shit hurts a woman that rather leave some mystery or show some class, it knocks us down because we want to have someone make a big fuss over us and let us know that we too as women are desireable. I had one moment in life that has stuck out where I felt like I was the most beautiful woman to this one person. It may have been just a line but I have never forgotten that moment and even more so because this man constantly reminds me of how beautiful I am to him. He has become one of my closest friends but even as friends he still uplifts me and has yet to knock me down. He has never made me feel inadequate or hideous because of another woman he may find attractive. To him I still remain a beautiful woman to be desired. I will never forget the first time I visited him and how I was feeling a bit awkward around him because to me he was one and still remains one of the most beautiful men I ever laid my eyes on. I couldn't understand how a man like this could find someone so plain like me interesting. Throughout my life I was always thrown into the friendzone or ignored for my plain and average looks so I could not figure out why this above average male was interested in knowing me. He made me stand in front of his full length mirror and look at myself. As he hugged me from behind he showed me what he saw and why he thought I was beautiful. He explained to me while I see my faults in my shape and even my fatness, all he could see was a beautiful Mexican woman that was in front of him. He didn't notice my faults, he just saw my beauty in my stature and shape. It was one of the simplest yet sweetest gestures I ever experienced and it was sincere. That is what made it memorable: the sincerity. It was not a recycled compliment that has been passed onto 20 different women. To this day he always refers to me as a princess or simply just a beautiful woman. He still wonders why I bother knowing someone like him but I explain to him that it was that moment when he showed me my inner beauty that I saw his and it stuck with me. It is simple things like that which make a woman glow. Things that assure us that we are still women and are desireable. I am not saying don't drool over the scantily clad women, but let us who are not always told we are sexy or are not all out there with tons of makeup on know that we too are beautiful in some way. Afterall it is us women who leave mystery that uplift men. We are the ones you call friends who pick up the pieces when the gorgeous beyonces or Rosalyn Sanchezes break your hearts. We are the ones on teh phone with you hearing you go on and on about Tascha or Linda dissing you for the man that cheated on her 5 times and it is us listening about how you would give them the world even though we in our hearts wish you would give us the key to your world. It is us your homegirls that you look at from time to time and think what if because you know we have your backs that you end up appreciating after the glamour girls have finally decided to chase after the Taye Diggs and Morris Chestnuts of the world. Appreciate us the same way we appreciate you. Thank you.
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