mrs lonely girl's blog: "random thoughts and stuff"

WHAT ELSE IS GONNA GO WRONG WITH MY TRUCK WAS BREAKS NOW I HAVE TO REPLACE A TIRE A NAIL IS STUCK IIN IT

 

SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME THAT I WASNT HAPPY AND THERE FOR I WOULD NEVER FIND A MAN THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE STARTING SHIT AND STARTIN DRAMA AND MAKIN THEM UNHAPPY AND NOT WANNA BE WITH ME. AND FOR A WHILE I BEILEVED HIM CAUSE I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS ME THAT WAS DOING THIS AND MAKIN THIS STUFF HAPPEN.

   THING IS COME TO FIND OUT IT WAS HIM THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. HE LIED TO ME HE HURT ME HE DID THINGS THAT I THOUGHT WOUULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME, HE ALLOWED SOMEONE TO BREAK INTO MY TRUCK AND STILL MY MONEY AND BREAK MY DOOR HE KEEPS TELLIN ME HE IS GONNA PAY ME BACK BUT HE NEVER DOES AND BECAUSE OF HIM I HAVE GOTTEN SO BEHIND ON BILLS THAT IT AITN EVEN FUNNY.

 I WAS SO DOWN AND I WAS SO OUT OF IT I WAS DEPRESSED AND HURTING ALL THE TIME CAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GONNNA FIND SOMEONE THAT COULD REALLY TRULLY MAKE ME HAPPY AND BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM SOMEONE THAT I COULD TRUST AND BE WITH AND FEEL SAFE WITH THEM EVEN BEEN NEAR ME OR MY TRUCK OR ANYTHING AND NOT WORRY THAT THEY ARE GONNA JACK ME NEXT.

 THEN ONE DAY IT WAS ODD AND VERY STRANGE ON HOW IT HAPPENED BUT IT DID I MET SOMEONE HE IS VERY SWEET AND HE IS SO NICE TO  ME HE CARES BOUT ME TRULY AND HE CAN BRING A REAL SMILE TO MY FACE I LIKE THIS MAN ALOT AND I WANNA BE WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME.  I SEE HIM EVERY CHANCE THAT I GET EVERY MOMENT THAT I SPEND WITH HIM IS A MOMENT THAT I ENJOY AND WILL  REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

 

AS MUCH  AS I TRY  I  AM  TRYING TO DO WHAT PEOPLE SAY AND THAT IS LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT BUT IT IS SO HARD FOR ME THINGS ARE ALWAYS A STRUGGLE FOR ME. IM AT THAT POINT WERE I GIVE UP AND I REALLY DO GIVE UP.  

 ARE YOU THOUGHT AND KIND DO YOU CARE WHATS ON MY MIND.

how come when i have dreams they never cometrue. hopes and prayers all unanswered. what do i do wrong just what do i do wrong. im sad im unhappy and what i thought i had i dont. i wont someone in my life i wanna be happy again. i wanna stop crying i wanna stop hating life and instead enjoy life how come everytihng i ever wanted i cant get. why me why me i want things to be different i want someone to care for me,i have dreams about it dreams that feel so real but thats as close as i ever get to it. never wati want never

i have questions runnin thru my head a million different thoughts.certain things that i wish i could get answers to. if i get them id be a whole lot betta i think lol.

with a million things runnin thru my head and dont know how to sort things out is like makin me feel like im dying inside. no wait, i am dying inside. i need things to change i want to feel what i felt before.

Here i am back again, back on the same page. it seems like everyday i seemed im depressed bout everything. like is everything gonna be ok sooner or later. i find my self thinking and wondering bout all the what ifs i had this or i had that. sometimes i feel the whats ifs would make things better for me. theres so much pain built up inside of me and sum of it is from the past but i still find myself still saddened ova the situations. i hate being stuck in the middle and confused on bout what i should do trying to figure out how things can get better. Rite now things just sucks for me i feel like sh** i aint even gonna lie bout how i feel. i need to talk and let it all out. its just makin my self do it thats hard. i have my good days to were i am fine then i have my bad days to were i just dont even feel like being alive anymore.

im here and im lost. no matter how hard i try everything fails seems no one understands my pain. no one understands how i feel. whats going on in my mind. how do u let go pain thats always been there and its like every corner that i turn theres more pain and more hurt waiting on me and its hard cause all i want is for someone to understand me is for someone to look at me and tell me they care or tell me everything is gonna be ok and mean it. i wont that true happiness. tired of fakin all the smiles all the laughes. all i want is for the way it used to be i wont everything to go in rewind maybe just maybe i could fix things just maybe i can be stronger question is can i do it? but its hard. sometimes u want this but u get this and what u get is not what u want and yea i understand u gotta take what u get but somepeople deserve a break and i am sure not gettin that break. theres was a moment were i thought everything was gonna be alright but then that shattered its like i get past square one just to get pushed all the way back again

im really bored and just thinkin bout alot of things and tired at the same time but dont want to lay down lol. sh**t just settin here thinkin wondering at the same time to the point is driving me crazy and dont have no one to talk to bout it. what do i do lol.

I FINALLY BROKE DOWN TONIGHT LET EVERYONE KNOW WHAT WAS ON MY MIND. FIGURED IT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT IM NOT I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT. LIKE TOOKEN FROM ME. SO HARD TO FUNCTION NOW. I CANT SMILE I CANT LAUGH IT HURTS SO SO SO BAD I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO.