i feel like doing something today but dont know what to do...its kinda cold which limits me because of bailey. the fall fesival is going on, which could be fun and nauseating seeing as how i end up eating tons of greasy shit! but i dont want to run into the ex...he wanted to come see the baby today but after he blew her off the last 2 times i said no!
which gets me to thinking...why do i pick men out of a trash dump? thats all i pick is crappy men, i dont really deserve one, i think i treat them good! eh...maybe i should be gay?
it kinda makes me feel bad to know that my baby will have to be without a daddy (or at least not have one thats worth anything) because i made the choice to leave. there was no point in staying however, he was never there, wwe fought when he was, he was on pills, he never held her and complained when he did have to.i mean i dont understand why its hard to love something (being bailey) that is so perfect(at least in my mind she is)...something that loves you for just who you are and is dependent on you. ahhh it makes no sense, but still i feel like the bad guy in the situation...i know that she will probably get older(in those shitty teenager years) and more than likely get mad at me about the whole thing. but then again its what i thought was the best thing for her and me.
speaking of which i figured getting out of college now that i have become responsible and going to class and all that other jazz would be easier...i am completly dumb when it comes to math, and i think i will be there 30 more years trying to pass algebra 1...i even got a tutor-doesnt help!!!! i was thinking of providing a better life for bailey and me a little quicker! wrong again!
shes waking up now so i guess that was my last little random thought...if anyone does happen to read this please excuse all grammar and things of that nature im an english major and have to do that all the time so in leisure i dont like to do it.
