My first blog ever.....I guess i'm annoyed and bewildered at the moment and this is my only way of taking a punch at myself and let those thoughts loose. I guess i am an exhibit of randomness and my thoughts don't follow an order whatsover. I think I am hurt by believing into friendship and then it crushes upon me. I wonder if i trust people too easily and I set up myself for failure. I have a really hard time reading people or maybe I read too much into people. I delve into the unknown believing and trusting and I guess I have to believe and trust in myself first in order to succeed in my voyage of nothingness. I am confusing myself by writing all this, but yet I have the urge to keep going. I don't know where this will take me but it's kinda working. It takes me away from the thought of the essence and into the thought of the unknown...the random comment in a blog that maybe later I will be able to subtract from randomness and fit it in to my current state of mind. However, I feel blank...I feel I have run out of ink and as such I have run out of spirit to believe in something..to believe in people who I call friends..to believe in myself. As I continue this I feel stupid...my thoughts and feelings are intertwined...logic or the heart...maybe a bit of both. I don't know. Can you have them both? Do I need a solution to all this? Maybe not....I stare at my screen and then my keyboard...all this because I feel betrayed....not by anyone but by myself. How do I trust myself again? How do I make myself continue this voyage, even if it is nothing and ends in a chasm...I am fortunate in a way that I am surrounded by people that love me...but yet again I want more. Why do I have to opt out for the unreachable...the unattainable...the one thing that will always lead me to nothing. I am not a bad person after all...but at the end of all this why do I always question that? Something I will never know. Maybe escaping from myself I escape from the attainable, maybe what I am reaching for is not that hollow...I don't know...I'm going to keep searching...
