the funny things kids say
OPINIONS
>>
>>On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
>>from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
>>child are not necessarily those of his parents."
>>
>> KETCHUP
>>
>>A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
>>struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
>>the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
>> She's hitting the bottle."
>>
>> MORE NUDITY
>>
>>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself i n
>>the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
>>shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
>>little boy
>>watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't
>>you ever seen a little boy before?"
>>
>> POLICE 1
>>
>>While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
>>interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
>>my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
>>"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
>>"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
>>right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
>>"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me,
"would you please tie my shoe?"
>>
>> POLICE 2
>>
>>It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
>>station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
>>and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back
>>there?" he asked.
>>"It sure is," I replied.
>>Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towar ds the back of the van.
>>Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
>>
>> ELDERLY
>>
>>While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
>>shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
>>She was unfailingly intrigued by the va rious appliances of old age,
>>particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
>>her staring at a pair of
>>false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
>>barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
>>"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
>>
>> DRESS-UP
>>
>>A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
>>her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
>> "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?"
>>"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
>>
>> DEATH
>>
>>While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
>>heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
>>Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
>>Feeling that
>>proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and
>>cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
>>deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
>>prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
>>always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and >>into the hole he goooes." (I want this line used at my funeral!)
>>
>> SCHOOL
>>
>>A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
>>wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
>>write and they
>>won't let me talk!"
>>
>> BIBLE
>>
>>A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
>>fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
>>Bible. He
>>picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
>>that had
>>been pressed in between the pages.
>>"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
>>"What have you got there, dear?"
>>With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
>> "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
