This question has plagued me for many years, but i guess i will just lay out what i am for now...
Its been one year, six months to the day since my first blog... Read bellow ...
My first blog (on myblog.com)
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Im a 6'4 (maybe 6'3) 230 pound (fat i know trying to get to 200), 22 year old ugly college student. I lie i cheat and i even steal from my parents(well i did). as far as I can tell im a complete asshole.
Though im also a very loyal friend and helpful to almost everyone i meet im the type of guy that when i see a girl crying(even ones i hate) it rips me up inside.
What i want to be.
A caring, honest, well educated, fairly happy, thin man. ohh and rich wouldnt hurt
I dont know if i can transform exibit a back into exibit b... But i plan to try and i plan to post regulary on my progress...
Six months later (on myspace.com)
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Who am i now. Have i grown as a man or not?
The easy answer is no but i dont really think thats true i have honestly changed my life enough to say most of thats not true. though i still weigh 230 thats amazing i normally gain weight in the winter meh who knows...
I no longer think of myself as ugly and i have no idea what gave me the idea i was... i was wrong very very wrong but to bad shit happens i screw up...
Now to the who am i. part of this
I am a wonderfully caring human being who strives to leave nothing but smiles and understanding in his past but still will stand up for what he believes in and his friends. even if it causes pain to others. I'm not capable of standing up for myself i just cant think of it as worth my time. Mostly because i know I'm not hurt i guess.
I try to make friends and have tons of people who call me a friend but something in me doesn't really believe 90% of them some reason i am afraid everyone is fake but i don't know if thats true..
What else about me, hmm i can be very shallow not in who i choose to date but more in i choose to meet. Its kinda odd but i think it works out the same i have tons of "hot" friends but i never seam to want to date them. meh who knows why.
(one year later) (on catch27.com)
My daily mission is to Strive for understanding and well being of all those around me. For the betterment of not only them but me.
I propose to do this by
1) Talking to someone new every day, that through them i will gain a better understand of the world around me.
2) remember no one is perfect and forgive all past transgressions against me with all my soul.
3) Being there for anyone who needs me whether rich poor nice or mean. To help people from the darkness and into the light.
4) By respectful of females; This is especially hard for me when one has just tore my heart to shreds but thats when i most need the strength to do it an must do it.
5) to complete all my duties as well as and as nicely as possible.
6) To strive to be genuinely nice. This is honestly the hardest thing in the world its hard to hug someone you know wants to hurt you but perhapses this is what the world needs more of.
7) Always speak the truth no matter how harsh it may be but always member that a half truth inst a truth and not hide things from people either.
My mission is to be the best person i can withholding judgment and offering kindness in return for insults though i know i will many times fall short.
One year six months later(today)(on cherrytap.com)
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Who am i now? Am i the man from the first blog? Certainly not... Have i grown much since the second? I hope so....
The update
I'm a 6'4 220 pound man who is very cute and quit capable of showing it. I no longer think of myself as a college student. But i am going no where fast and it scares me. I really don't have any goals. I don't know who what or why i want anything.
I am lonely but do not want just another girlfriend that always seams to bring pain greater then i know how to take. I am not capable of being hurt over and over, and yet i seam to be one way or another. I don't know why but it truly hurts me when i see a friend in pain or even an ex it feels like someone is taking a knife to my heart and just cutting it ever so slowly and i don't know how to stop it.
My mission statement am i a failure? No in this one thing i think i can truly be happy with myself. I sat down and set a way to live and i honestly think that ive done everything on that list the best that i could and sometimes even better then i thought i could. I must say being honest is the hardest part but i still strive to be the man i set out to be and hope to reach it soon... Perhapses i will one day be as good a man as i try to be... I can only hope....
