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Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
1. What's your middle name? Lynn
2. What are you listening to right now? I Need Love - LL Cool J
3. What was the last thing you ate? Turkey Sub
4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Wes
5. Do you drink? Only on days that end in Y
6. Do you smoke? Yep
7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Physically...eyes ...but i notice if they have an outgoing ot dry personality.
8. What is your hair color? Red- the best hair color DUH
9. What is your eye color? Blue
10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Perfect vision
11. Dogs or cats? both
12. What's your favorite animal? Lions
13. What's your favorite television show? Single Ladies (VH1)
14. What's your favorite movie? Love & Basketball and 7 pounds
15. What's your favorite band/singer? I love too many
16. How old are you? 31
17. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes
18. What's your sexual orientation? Strizzle my nizzle
19. What's your favorite color? Blues and Reds
20. What was your most embarrassing moment? hmm idk
21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?...Um have you seen me?.. Hell no!
22. What were you like when you were a kid? I was a redheaded stepchild...nuff said
23. What would your dream house be like? It would have a secret sex room on the beach somewhere
24. What last made you laugh? Probably something Wes said :P
25. What is your favorite word? SIR
26. What is your least favorite word? NO
27. What turns you on? Cigar Smokin' Daddies LOL
28. What turns you off? Bad Hygiene; Big Egos that aren't justified
29. What is your star sign? Aries...there are other signs?
30. What are your favorite books? Addicted by Zane; Night by Elie Wiesel; The Shack
31. Do you have any siblings? 2 bro's
32. Do you like to dance? Pop Lock & Drop it bahahaha
33. What is your definition of cheating? (cosign--->) doing something wrong when you are conscious that it is wrong and do it anyway
34. Have you ever cheated on someone? no
35. Do you regret anything? yes
36. Do you have any phobias? Not really
37. Ever broken any bones? Nope
38. Ever come close to death? Nope
39. What is your religion, if any? Spiritual not religious
40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? yes
41. Are looks important in a relationship? It's all how the package is presented LOL with like bows and ribbon you know
42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? iI have my moms tude and my dads morals
43. What is your favorite season? Spring
44. Do you have any tattoos? Four
45. Do you have any piercings? Tongue and Ears
47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Nope
48. Who is your celebrity crush? yes....Dwayne Johnson & 50 cent all day err day
49. Are you a virgin? nahhhhhh
50. Do you get jealous easily? Not easily I'm a chick c'mon
51. What is your favorite type of food? Thai
52. Do you ever want to get married? Been there done that got the t-shirt
53. Who was your first kiss with? 8th grade John Cooper lol
54. Have you ever been cheated on? not that i know
55. What is your idea of the perfect date? Anything that involves a particular Cigar Smokin Daddy
56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? extrovert
57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? i do
58. What talent do you wish you'd been born with? drawing or singing cuz i'd be a rich motherfucker
59. What is your saddest memory? I'm sure someone dying
60. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes
61. Do you believe in soul mates? yes they exist
62. Have you ever dyed your hair? UM refer to #8
63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Of course
64. Would you go against your moral code for money? I mean how much we talkin tho? lol but nooooo sigh i'm too goody for that
65. What are three things most people don't know about you? idk hmm
66. Who are you jealous of? Myself lol
67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? nope but i have a blankie lol
68. How long was your longest relationship? 5 years
69. Is the glass half empty or half full? if its tequilla, its empty
70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me
71. Who is your most loyal friend? Jennifer and Tanya
72. Are you in a relationship? Hopefully in progress... :D (CHEESE)
73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? awww Amish him lol; he's funny as fuck...oh wait...i wasn't supposed to answer huh? lol
74. Are you a bad person? Bad as I wanna be
75. Are you a lover or a fighter? lover
76. What did you do on your last birthday? Went to Myrtle Beach and partied like a BAWSE *Rick Ross Voice*
77. What is your favorite quote and why? Come Service Me Bitch - Supe...no explanation needed lol
78. If your best friend died, what would you do? OMG fuck you who says that shit!
79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Shiiiittt
80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Fuck the hell outta HIM
81. What is the strangest dream you've ever had? It involved cartoon ppl and ex's
82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? it depends
83. Who were you in a past life? A skinny bitch
84. What is your happiest childhood memory? There's alot...probably chillin with my Poppy somewhere
85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? no
86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I have many *winks*
87. If you were the president, what would you do? Whatever the fuck I wanted
88. What is your ideal career? Helping teens and young moms
89. What is your political affiliation? BLAH
90. Are you conservative or liberal? neither
91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? the female body is perfect
92. Do you like kissing in public? yeppppp
93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? (cosign) hunger..no one should go hungry
94. Where would you like to live? A beach
95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Greece or Fiji
96. Describe yourself in one word. Superwoman
97. Describe yourself in one sentence. I am Superwoman. Jeez pay attention :P
98. Where do you see yourself in five years? Shiiit let's worry bout the next 5 minutes
99. What is your greatest accomplishment? Being a Mom
100. What is the meaning of life? Just live it fuck trying to figure it out
