LiL Rebel RedneckSoul Sista to Kimberly's blog: "Random Funnies"

Got this in my email today and it just made me LOL~~Maybe someone else can find humor in it also~~HA! ****no political drama,,just giggles**** Have a great Sunday my friends~~LiL~ Body: Dear President Obama, I enjoyed your speech about how everyone should take responsibility. Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the one's down the street who,in the good times,refinanced their house several times and went on vacations to wonderful places,bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, installed an in ground pool, a big screen TV, two Wave Runners and a Harley. I was wondering, since I'm paying my mortgage and now,theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then? I promise to take care of it. R. F. Queen Creek, AZ P.S. They also need help with their credit cards, when do you want me to start making those payments? P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.'says Gallagher. *********************************************************** Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp. 'What happened to you?' asks Sean , the bartender.' Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy. 'That little O'Conner ,' says Sean , 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.' 'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.' 'Well,' says Sean , 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?' That I did,' said Paddy, ' Mrs.. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.' ************************************************************ An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?' 'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk. 'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.' 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.' ********************************************************** Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.. 'Brenda , may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'. 'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim . But where's my husband?' 'That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda . There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery' 'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda . 'Please don't tell me.' 'I must, Brenda . Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim . 'How did it happen, Tim ?' 'It was terrible, Brenda .. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout , and drowned.' 'Oh my dear Jesus ! But you must tell me true, Tim , did he at least go quickly?' 'Well, Brenda , no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.' ************************************************************** Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?' She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.. My husband passed away last night.' The priest says, 'Oh, Mary , that's terrible. Tell me, Mary , did he have any last requests?' She says, 'That he did, Father.' The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary ?' 'She says, 'He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun..' ************************************************************** AND THE BEST FOR LAST A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.'

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette heads off to the Bull ranch with their last $600.00 in her purse. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul."

The Indian With One Testicle There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, g rabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! Why ??? OH, come on... take a guess !!! Think about it !!! You're going to love this !!! Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it. 3. And discover that The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot. 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot. 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face. I apologize about this . I'm an idiot and I needed company.