dubDC's blog: "random acts of writting"

resentment i resent more than my life, my family or my friends i resent my decisions, my path, my thoughts and my dead ends but i brought these things upon myself.... dont respect the physical or even my health why try anymore, cause it worked out for my father why do i still try, like why do i even bother is there more in store, or have i reached my zenith did i max out on this life, just livin through my penis??? is this life really as lame as it seems and is this my destiny or is it more than it seems??? is there more to this shit than i have started to notice or am i like a plague, destroying shit like a locus please...someone let me know if u do understand this shit i've been through but how could i expect u to know what it is i was ready to die, but how would that look to these kids??? is this the doors?? like is it the end??? or am i just depressed and in need of a friend??? there's so many questions, i dont know all the answers but i cant afford my bills...much less my liquor and cancers but security's a question and i dont really feel safe especially around myself..i contain too much self hate so im stuck with this bad taste...in my life like rape but its ideals that got sodomized, how much can i take??? these are just some thoughts i had to share... wait...no shocks....dont connect that chair!!! maybe i live my life, just a little illegal..... maybe im fucked up and dont think like normal people or..shits contagious and im givin u evil after we talk go throw yourself on the steeple... but i apologize and resent that fact.... wait...its just life let me take that back!!!!

alright...i guess im back to this again... Current mood: discontent pulse starts to slow....ur like "finally" i know.... u've been waiting for it since ur very first breath... here it is just one inhale left....it's almost over, this quest... laying here besieged by cockyness and low self esteem... i didnt think it was possible either, but ur a shirt minus the seams... a fuckin anomoly, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by a puzzle... like the greatest speech never heard cuz they were wearing a muzzle... infinite possibilities, but life doesnt live in tranquility.... however it does end there, with final thoughts on deaf ears... gone are empty useless thoughts, broken promises, and fears... all thats left is hindsight and a lack of knowledge of what's to come.. ......to be continued.....

more random garbage some things in life are just too good to be true.... other aspects are just fake, but at least they're up front, u have to respect a "FUCK U"... specially if its face to face and u can sense that they mean it... only cowards go behind ur back...smart pussies, ur a "VAGenius"... but misrepresentation is just another tale in a world full of lies... everyone's a actor, people get shit on all the time, nah i dont sympathize... maybe im cynical or maybe im just cold hearted.... but before i lose my pride i'll get dicaprio'd and be dearly "DEPARTED"... honestly that will probably lead to my demise... live..."when keeping it real goes wrong pt.4"... right before ur eyes... but this shit lets me understand why some dont give a shit about life... like "we all just in line for a toe tag, what's the purpose of having a wife?? cant take the shit with u, so why try to make more than u can spend??? no matter how u live we're all gonna die in the end.... ur foes might be less fake and only half as phony.... than ur friends who u trust and swear they're ur homey... and even ur family turns their back while they shank u in urs... but u respect people without checking behind their closed doors... trust is givin out like candy at halloween, what the fuck??? no wonder people think their "down on their luck"!!! dumb fucks dont understand how this shit called life even works apparantly... tbc....

i guess... sooooooo...im sittin here....im bored...im moody...and this is all i have for u..... apparantly i read too deep into shit quite often... i've heard that shit before, but the blow doesn't soften... like what am i supposed to do, just skim through life and breathe easy??? i guess i could do that shit, but it really wouldnt beeeeee me... that would be some preconcieved notion, or misconception rather... what u wish i was, if i was going through the motions, or fake as pleather... but then what would be the purpose??? just living a lie.... if u cant live honestly with urself then i wish u'd die!!!! cuz ur just contributing to greenhouse for no damn reason... u aren't even a person so why do i care what the fuck do u believe in??? u might as well only speak in other people's quotes... or paraphrase some shit of what some other dude wrote... ur plagerizing with every breath that u take... i'd rather lose my soul and be disemboweled twice than to be fake... tbc...

the purpose of life.... apparantly my outlook is bleek like memphis when it comes to life... u live, do some fucked up shit, u die...experience pain, happiness and strife... this pulse has no purpose and i think its on purpose... whichever intelligent design that designed the mind made breathing worthless... a oversized antfarm but with insight to feeling and the ultimate pay off is nothing... no white light at the end of the tunnel or pearly gates and no angels to sing... i cant say that its fact its just me coming to a conclusion using facts... not that i can forsee the future but we are all the future and a purpose still lacks... the future entails tomorrow and every groundhog day after that is like it... but people have to find a meaning to it so they made up a higher being but i fight it... not that im at war with religion just most of the hypocrites that preach... even the ones that perpetrate as a holier person than i because they read a book or wrote a speech... but the book was written by drunks, thieves and random people..... but most take their word as truth and pray to a figure on a crucifix above the steeple... but if there is truly a purpose to this monotany i wouldn't mind seeing some proof... otherwise im gonna make jesus jokes and write "ten comandment" spoofs... maybe im just aloof...i dont know but i could really care less... so much savagery and disgusting things that happen every day on earth... yet u expect me to think that i have had a predetermined plan since birth??? get the fuck outta here, u must be on some type of drugs or ur oblivious to what is obvious to me... im tempted just to be the first to drink the "kool-aid" and die a agonizing death just to see.... maybe i enjoy being right too much but i wouldn't be able to prove it, but all in "Due" time... but if i was wrong i would come along and haunt everyone who had a similar view as mine.... tbc...

not real....some old shit u dont exist....im sorry but its just not possible... u must be a myth like the lochness monster or something ur not plausible... how could u, im not sure if u did that i would even acknowledge ur presence... ur beyond my imagination like heaven and u keep me second guessin'... myself and what i believe or what is possible to perceive... my self worth or value of the breath i take as the co2 starts to leave... its true i cant see gasses either but at least they have a presence in this world... they even help with mollusks to create gems and impearl... i've never seen or imagined u in a dream plus i know things aren't always what they seem... ur too good to be true, fuck i cant deserve u, i mean ur too good to be in my dream??? maybe my imagination is gone and i cant even imagine stuff that exists.... trying to figure that out alone is reason enough not to slit my wrists.... not even the best reason but a reason none the less, to pursue u on this quest... but i still find u hard to believe in, too perfect i guess... i dont even know how i could be in a position to meet u by chance... not in this world at least, i dont even think i would be able to get a dance... tbc...

i dont know every day i wake up and feel like "fuck this world" cuz i value my own life like its a ex girl... i mean its cool while it lasts but never last long enough to truly BE COOL... like travolta, i will play it but will NEVER BE the fool... im cynical to a point but i think im just a old soul... cuz i already know this shit aint coming with me so why try to set goals??? all happiness is temperary too, and u can never BE HAPPY... i dont care how lucky u feel there's shit u want, besides most just ACT sappy... they dont really care or identify with most of the shit they see... their fakeness is a plague of low self esteem and act like some shit they cant be... so yeah i guess im back to that...so im gonna drink another fifth and yack... maybe it will get out all of the poison and self destruction.... i doubt it though cuz that would take a miracle of epic proportions.... u dont have to slit ur skin for self mutilation..... u can scar ur thoughts and scare ur life into a permanent hesitation... u stand still suffering from pharmaceuticals and pills... anything to mask urself from urself its ill... the mirror no longer reflects it actually projects... a lie that u wish inside was truly u without ur debts... maybe my outlook and bank account are both negative... but i dont think people see the bigger picture life is degenerative.... tbc

this is to everyone on here that has some fake ass pics up that they know damn well make them look better than reality....why perpetrate and try to be something that ur not??? people need to get comfortable in their own skin and act like they have some sense of self worth...i understand that some people do it cuz they are overly concerned about putting pics up because they dont wanna be cyber-stalked or whatever but what's the worst that will happen??? some douche bag is gonna jerk off to ur pic?? u should just see it as a compliment...lol...its the internet, do u walk around outside like a arab chick with ur face covered all the time??? cuz "the real world" is where the real threat is.....they can follow u home...all they can do on here is send u some fake threats that they more than likely couldnt even come close to acting upon....get over urselves and get more secure....act like a damn adult....if ur offended by this...let me know...i'll write back, it'll be fun....

true inspiration comes from everywhere.....even the least expected....this inspires me.... Alone in my room, looking thru the 32X telescope zoom adjusting the focus of the moon One should not assume the philosophy of David Hume is nothing more then a subjective conclusion What is the maximum field rate application? the run away glaciation surrounding the ocean basin affects the population, fluctuation on a continuous basis but thats just the basics The juxtaposition of Canibus's position the precision something no other has written Way above and beyond what was intended the unparallel Malleable annunciation of a sentence You didnt go to college obviously I can tell by your ungodly unintelligible terminology A remarkable odyssey, the rhymes of modern speeds when the brain orders the body not to breathe Incompetency is not up to speed, you not in my league you couldnt possibly be hotter then me Or oppositely your minus 25 degrees, you'd squeeze but the condensation makes rifle barrels freeze Allow me to speak figuratively, nigga please my intellectual properties are about the size of Greece Your counselor advised you not to speak my counselor advised me to keep rhymin until they stopped the beat In the words of Joseph Heller, "I learned how to write better" even though it sort of urked me He said he didnt understand the process of the imagination but he felt he was at its mercy Which exploits my point perfectly and certainly reinforces the reason why nobody's probably ever heard of me Couldnt understand what I mean by ill unless you try to translate what I print to film This is the line of will, the circle of time the cycle of eternity, the emergence of 1 line Academic phonetics render critics tounge-tied Ive personified dry humor of cum-laude alumni A wise man sees failure as progress a fool divorces his knowledge and misses the logic And loses his soul in the process obsessed with nonsense with a caricature that has no content My style is masterful, multi-lateral I could battle a fool and be naturally cruel

self reflection clears the air yet im alive in this foggy grave..../ why is life more fun when it still only teaches u to misbehave.../ and ultimately ends with a toe tag and a grave.../ i cant take money or jewels with me so why should i save???/ how is it possible to concieve these misconceptions and ideals that aren't ideal???/ how can one have such low self esteem and be sooo cocky and arrogant????/ christians who dont follow the book and clepto's that dont steal.../ but a lifetime in prison, mental or physical, begins ur change that's heaven sent..../ and if im so complex why should i act so simple???/ maybe its a ninja syndrome, as i beg for annonymity..../ im poor yet i go to school even though either way there is no class in me.../