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I scroll through my news feed I open a newspaper and what do i see?,So many acts of violance so much bitter hate...Sadly these things dont suprise me ,but they do confuse me. Racial riots, sex crimes ,mass shooting becuse a young man cant get laid, and the only thing that realy connects them is the sheer lack of laying the blame where the blame lies, It scares me that we live in a world refuses to akwnolage personal resposiblity, No wonder its so prelevant that people do the wrong thing we give them all the exuses in the world to forget the voice of concience...your mother abused your daddy didnt love you ..your parents drank while pregent blah blah blah , we as a people seem to have forgoten we are resposible for our own actions and who we are. When we are born each of us is created with free will with the spark of good and evil inside us ...weather you are atheist chistian catholic buddist muslim wiccan or anything else under the sun...we all know right from wrong even if its just knowing in your heart you sure as shit wouldnt want it to happen to you.. we all know better..we choose to ignore it. So what confuses me is why people make exuses for those who do wrong .why we make it easyer for those who would choose to do wrong blameing everyone but the one who did the crime..a shooting happens blame goes to guns the nra gun laws ...well sorry to inform you amiricans that do support gun laws ...im a canadian we have gun laws but just a few months ago not only did we have a shooting ..we had a man here hunting cops..controling the guns doesnt do anything ...crimanals dont care they breack the law to get a gun DUHH ..they are crimanals. Breaking the law is what they do. A young man makes a manifestio about how hes going to go to a sorioirty house and shoot a bunch of girls becuse thye wont sleep with him the nice guy ....and does it, shoots a bunch of people ...posts and threads everywhere about him ..none saying hes a bad guy that he was an evil selfish little prick ..nope what pops up? posts blameing mental health care and even worse posts blaming women cuz this *niceguy* couldnt get him none ...please someone explain to me how this guy was a nice guy? a nice guy isnt someone belives hes intelaed to anothers persons body as if they were a posstion a nice guy doesnt fester so much hate for someone just becuse his dick doesnt get used ...this man was toxic he wasnt a nice guy got pushed to far he was an evil little selfindugant sexist freak of nature ...creep factor 500 dudes ,a rabid little animal needed to be put down but noone looks at him for who he was, to lay the blame its fingers pointing everywhere but at him pointing at women in genral for not sleeping with him at gun control at sex hate groups ,at the mental health care ..fingers pointed everywhere but at him ...wtf?Admitidly there are always contributing factors theres always  the testing feild, life is can be hard temptation rampant ..This is the forge for weather our souls break or become stronger ,but in the end we as a person are responsible for who we choose to be ..weather we feed that spark of evil or feed the light inside us to become something better and in my eyes looking at all the exuses people make for what they do even trying to swallow my own exuses for mistakes i wanted to make ..and realizing thats just what they are exuses things i tell myself to make doing something wrong easyer ...So why is it that we make exuses for those who do so wrong why dont we place the blame on the people commit these acts? why do we make it easyer for the next round to exuse them becomeing monsters? why is it that as a speicies we give those damaged the exuses they need to de-evovle into rabid animals ,why do we not face the truth the only truth we that realy matters who we are is our choice ...no matter the hell that has helped to forge us no matter the pain we have had to endure we are who we allow ourselfs to become

why is it everyone stresses over valentines if their single? ..its just another day isnt it? soppsta be about love not boyfreinds/girlfreinds ...so why do all the single people get so bent out of shape when it comes? me im single i got asked on 2 dates even ...aint going because the people i love are my kids they are always my valentines everyday of the year.. in my view people make to big of a fuss over a day makes no dang sence anyhow ...whats romantic about a guy giving you chocolate ...lol you eat the chocolate you get fat ...kills the romance no? and if your not single ...and hes the right guy he brings romance to the relationship more then just once a dang year and if he doesnt you want to think about having a small chat with him about that...the hype that commercial media has made of this dumb holiday is stupid ,making single people feel ashamed ..and why? becuse some shallow candy and jewlrey company driven holiday says you should spoiled THIS day of the year if your somebody? (sorry guys not trying to leave you out its just im a girl so i think from the girl perspective )

scince when are we all in grade school and need a dress code... I wear my corseet as a shit i wear it to work i wear it shopping it is NOT ligerie if you can wear it to a bar what freacking right does fubar have to tell you it cant be your freaking defult pic....scince when id an adult site more anal retentive then myspace and face book?? if your freaking at work you should be damn well working not hanging on freaking fubar wasteing your time and bitching that a girl in a corset has scrolled across the top of your freaking screen ...i understand about nudity i even understand about racist and or sexist usernames but if all your goods are covered NOONE should be able to tell me what im alowed to freaking wear and tell me my everday wear is NSW

so i agreed to be exclusive with kate ....big mistake i guess didnt take long before she started laying the law apparently she liked how i dressed while she was chasing me but figures i should dress different now that im in a relationship my responce was iam who iam you liked me for that before why want me to change now? she doesnt get that i dont dress like this to pls others i do becuse its what i like i dress this way even while alone at home and she knows that shes popped bye unannounced a few times now so i told her it wasnt gonna work go home cuz i wont be dictated to
Im seeing someone it started about 3 weeks ago actually started pretty innocent....i never thought id be interested in anyone else since robbie tried dating and well couldnt find any men at all perked my interest i went for drinks with my best friend nicole and her friends and thats where we met kate is a 5/4 beautiful redhead who seems all leg with a personality totally kicks ass...ive been with girls before but this is the first time ive actually dated one and first time ive contemplated getting serious with one shes funny she really cares about me and damn shes hot we've been inseparable till today (she had to go to work *pouts*) the more i know of her the more like her its kinda confusing because ive always been more into men then girls ...girls have always just been fun till now. she wants to be exclusive with me i think i will even if i do like men and she doesnt
love is a funny thing sometimes it just never fades Even when it is apparent that it was misplaced. I'm in a quandary atm feeling confused and lost you see my ex has decided suddenly that he was a fool for how he treated me. Explained alot of stuff made sense but just cuz it makes sense does it excuse how he treated me? just because i love him and my heart is loyal do I give him another chance with hiS cruel words still echoing in my head? how does one forget i dont love you how does one forget your a fat ugly useless cunt how does one forget hearing noone will ever want you for more then a fuck i realize yes he was angry when he said these things but thats not an excuse is it? specially since the words never fit the crime how does no im not in the mood or no Iam busy today i cant follow you around today like a lost puppy warrent that kind of treatment even if the reson he got mad was becuse he felt we were growing apart when that wasnt the case for me my life had simply become to busy to give him 24 hr 7 days a week undivided attion he wants me back now claims to see the error of his ways but how can i trust he wont get angry again or turn his back on me again i may love him and might even forever but i deserve my no matter what dont i? i deserve someone will love me want me respect me no matter what
5 years is a long time especially when that time is spent being inlove with someone who cant see you for the gift you are. 5 years is a long time to be told your a worthless bitch a cunt that you arnt pretty that the only thing you have going for you is your fuckable I heard it so often i even started to believe it so many times I heard I love you I dont love you your nothing and yet for some reason I played his perfect victim... Id start to grow a backbone and hed be sweet forawile it never lasted long mind you just long enough to reel me back in just long enough for me to feel happy and safe then itd start all over. Bye the time i relized itd never change it was to late becuse he had convinced me already that it was all i deserved... odd huh? Ive always been a strong woman and yet love made me into a groveling idiot who belived all the cruel words he said.... well 4 days ago i finally clued in the catalyst was something so simple ...the straw broke the camels back?? it all started innocently enough started with a small argument over wasting my time in his oppion on helping a friend when I could be spending that time doing shit for him mind you this was shit i wasnt asked to do and had no clue at all he wanted done that is untill i was already busy..... it started a small argument it never even realy manage to esculate it was something he said just kind of clicked something home in my head .... my friend is going through a bad relationship her man was beating her i was trying to convince her that she was to good for that kind of abuse that she should cut anchor and run that noone deserved to be hurt and belittled like that ((haha right?))and was trying to explain to robbie this and that i couldnt just hang up on her she needed me... and what he said in response set off a kind of epiphany in me his response and its so simple and so true theres nothing anyone can do to help her until she realizes shes better then that so stop being stupid and wasting your time on someone who lets her man keep treating her like shit smarten the fuck up you stupid bitch...... and suddenly it was almost like the world stood still you see robbie never hit me not once and my understanding of being abused was being hit and id never let a man hit me so in my eyes i believed i wasn't being abused until that moment .. then things just kind of snapped into place memorys of him fucking me as i cried because he was hurting me and him cumming as he watched the tears fall memorys of all the cruel things he said all rushed in punctuated bye that your wasting your time you stupid bitch and i realized i was wasting my time i was wasteing my time loving a man who made me feel small i was wasteing my time trying to convince him i was worth treating right bam i understood it was a waste of time to be with him you see i understood finally that i shouldn't have to convince anyone what iam worth if they cant see it for themselfs and treat me as i deserve they are a waste of my time..... i didnt yell i didnt cry i didnt fight i just told him your right iam wasting my time i have been wasting my time on you 5 years trying to convince of what im worth when it isnt me thats worthless goodbye ....and I left
i believe in god i get told alot i dont because i dont believe in religion or praying I believe in a creator with all my heart but i believe that god gave us life a wonderful gift and the tools to make the most of that gift i dont belive he layed down the his law in a book written bye man his laws lay in the tools he gave ...our hearts our souls our minds our and dreams i dont believe god requires me to pick a name from many for him i dont believe church is needed to find the home of god because all he created is his home and i dont believe in praying god gave me a gift he gave me the tools to make the gift all it can be he did his job and fine job he did to he gave me a concince to know in my soul what his laws are he gave me dreams and hope to see what potential my life can hold he gave me determination to reach for those goals he gave me love so i have the strength to hold my dreams and to comfort me when i cant quite reach them he gave me all the tools i need so if i can do the job myself why the heck would god because i pray do my job for me? he gave me the wisdom to find my way so why would he give the anserws on where i should go? he knows i can do it and i can just picture him up in heaven listening to my prayers shaking his head saying to himself your capable so pull up your big girl panties up already grow up and learn to do it for yourself !!!! once in awhile god will play a little defense on our behalf or send our way just what we happen to need he doesnt do this because we pray he does this because he sees and opportunity to enrich the gift he has already given us
i dont know witch was scarier the giving of myself and watching it be rejected knowing it always would be or taking my life back of walking away from something i know is bad for me of giving up a battle that i just cant win of now having to face a futcher that i don't know where i even WANT it to lead do i want to fall in love again sometime in the distant futcher? do i wish to concentrate souly on myself reach for the dreams i put away in the name of love? are those dreams even real to me anymore? i know my first steps i need to take after I finish wrestling my life back 1 i need to figure out who i am now i know who the core evlyn is but falling in love made me grow in a few ways i never could have believed and the hurt of that love not working made me realize things about myself i had never looked at some good some bad and ill have to sort those all out and see where they fit 2 i need to learn to trust myself and others again 3 figure out what i want now 4 learn to accept that i deserved what i asked for that asking for respect and to be loved wasn't an unreasonable demand that what was unreasonable was even having to ask for it i deserve respect i deserve love i deserved all i asked for and more then that even i deserved the same love i gave to be loved no matter what haha if i do decide to give falling in love a chance again i know what ill look for now only one type of man will ever even deem a chance from me hell be someone makes me feel special who accepts me and my oppions someone who understands we dont always have to agree that just because my oppion isnt theirs doesnt mean i think theirs is necessarily wrong and will respect what i think just as much someone that when iam sad will hold me close i want someone will tell me itll be ok we will get through it together i dont want someone to save me i want someone to stand bye me i want respect and yes romance wouldnt hurt but most of all to matter for me not for my body not for how i dress not for what iam but for WHO iam are these unreasonable dreams?
Onlinetoday i messed up so bad i has to blogg that crap
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