Ramblings of the Maddened Mind Blog by Eramos
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Staring in the light of day

The sunlight ravishing the mind with pain

Numb sensations filter through the soul

The agony felt loses sight of the goal

When out of the light a darkness comes

Like rain laden clouds to blot out the sun

Cold downpour of dreary rain

Falls down on the hollow remains

Cleansing to the soul and water the soil

My body lying naked in my hole I toil

With empty words I cry out from my grave

Seeking to undo all the pain I have made

Angelic sounds filter to my ears

Everpresent but never near

The spectres of love and desire

Tantalizing as they sear my soul with fire

Covet thy neighbor and drown in sin

For sweet whispered bliss that may never have been

Just hopes and dreams within my sight

As I soldier on and muster the will to fight

And I strive on still to hear that sound

Of love and happiness when loss is found

Well things are back to there usual. I'm home alone right now, roommates are out of town. This girl that I moved out here to be with over a year ago whom I have never even seen contacted me out of the blue and told me she would be by Tuesday to see me. But i've been hearing this same thing since I met her so I've developed a bit of disbelief regarding the matter. I tell my roommates every time she says she's going to show that I'll believe it when I see it. This girl I was fixed up with by my ex and moved here in order to be with this girl, left my whole life...family...friends....everything behind and I haven't even talked with her on the phone in over 8 months. I'm honestly going to have a heart attack if this girl shows up. Anyway, just rambling cause I'm bored. Just did a new tattoo so I'm probably going to hit the sack now.

Im feeling unusualy deep tonight, staring out at the night sky and just thinking over everything that has happened through my life to put me where I am right now and it just suddenly hit me like a freight train that my whole life I've thought I've been miserable, but looking back on it, every moment of my life thats affected me I have a deep well of pride for having gone through it because it's made me into the person I am today. Every broken heart or sundered relationship, every painful act and wrong decision has shaped and molded my character into the person that I am today, one of honor, integrity, pride, and self-power.  And yet, having looked back with the gift of hindsight I can't help but wonder....would I make those decisions again if I TRULY was given the oppurtunity to change my own future and I can't say with 100% certainty that I would. Maybe I'd have kept myself in better shape than I am now. Maybe I'd have stayed in highschool instead of dropping out in the 10th grade and going to Job Corps. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten myself arrested and imprisoned. Who truly knows but this has given me something to dream on....

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