Crystal Rose with Bloody Thorns RisingSt...'s blog: " Ramblings of a Lost Soul"

I do not know what happened tonight but I had enough of him breaking things, losing things and stuff. so I ended up jumping to the wrong conclusion and about something not really that important I guess. I did apologize after it was all over but i doubt if it made a difference. There are 2 of the same mem cards for the PS2 and I thought he had his mom's which I bought. I also bought 2 new controllers last year and the one lasted for all of like 4 months... then he said it was broken. So when the mem card he was using did not have the initials on it that it had before I thought he had his mom's. His mom got really pissed cause I got pissed about him losing, breaking and misusing things. Now I am not used to this and she more or less just lets it blow over. I am making him pay me back for a game he ruined of my son's. All she would have done was paid for it for him and that would have been it. I have been trying to help but it really is not working too well I think. I am gonna just have to let her deal with him and stay out of it all when it comes to him. i am gonna get all my DVDs out of the living room because they do not put them away either.... so...I will just deal with him as far as I have to . Any problems she will have to deal with them... I QUIT! I refuse to let it come between our friendship. He will just be a roommate and nothing more. The other son I get along with great.. I just hope this does not make her not let me hang with him, like she did since my son and her oldest (the one I am having problems with) had a falling out cause of teasing. The only time the younger one sees my son is if my son comes over here now. It is a real shame since they get along really great. OH WELL! Then so nice... my *whatever* calls and tells me he got a New Year's kiss.. but he wasn't with me... he was with his *so called ex or not anymore gf*, such a great way to start 2008!!! FUCK it all!!! I wish I could just leave. I really do.

If you have ever heard the song *Stay* by Sugarland, then you may understand why I am unsure for sure. I love him soooo much but it is so hard sharing someone. I am like 3rd or 4th on his list, yet other times I am number 1. I am sooo confused!!! When he is around I doubt nothing, yet when I am not with him, I wonder so much.. who else is he with?? I wish i could find someone that I was number 1 with. It seems for all my relationships, but one, I have never been number 1. Always after some other female. I do not know why I put myself through this. I do not look for these guys, they seem to find me... WHY!!!!!!!???????? SOME DAY I will learn to stop trusting so easily and be cynical more often. OH WELL!!!

This holiday was not as bad as I thought it would be. My roomie did not go away, instead her Grandma came here. She is a very nice lady and nice to have around. We had a big dinner last night with my son, his wife and my ex-hubby. So we had 8 people in our little house... LOL It was very nice though. Not much fussing or anything. Today was more or less a lazy day. The boys got there presents this morning, Heather got hers, Grandma got her and I even got a present from Heather. This turned out to be a very nice time, the only way it would have been better is IF a certain guy was around. Hopefully I will get to spend some time with him soon. I miss him alot! I hope everyone had a great time and hope we have a great New year coming up!! HUGGG to you all!

My roomie got a job and starts tomorrow. YEAH!!! We have been so worried about all the bills and the kids but as usual the fates came through. I hope this job is as nice as she thinks it will be and as comfortable in the office. GOOD LUCK ROOMIE!!!!