So it would seem that i have gotten a lot of my life on track, i finally moved out of oak park and aways from the insanty that is the girl. I found the one girl i have been wating for ever since ruthie died, she is just incredable i am so in love with my blue haired goddess. I am less stressed a lot happier and have gotten back to the old me ( yes i found my spine ). But with change and trasistion comes problems from the old life that refuse to die, namley certain women that are in denial ( yup just not a river in egypt) one of them while young and a bit wise refuses to give up th ghost of any relationship with even thought i have told her flat out that i dont love her in the way that she does me. So i get the converstions of your dumb all your friends think your dumb kinda shit, for starters if you KNEW all my FRIENDS they your tell fucking insane and to go on with your life or somthing to that effect , you want me around but not as friend but then you tell me i am being a bad friend. What everyone needs to understand is that i will not have my life dicatated to me any longer , my life, my rules, no one will be telling me how to do things i refuse to be a doormat anymore.
Now on to the other problem, namely the girl i used to live with, ya i know what your all thinking didnt you love her, yes i did and i still do a small bit but when you live in fear of the person you are sopposed to love it has a effect on you. That was one of many issues that plagued my relalionship with her, the others i will address as well. For those of you who know me this will all be pass history , for those who dont this will be a blog on what to avoid in women.
1. The do what i say , not what i do theory. This is my favorite one that she pulled on me all the time. The Best example of this is i am going to go have sexy with that guy , me saying "hey ok thats cool just come home when your done", her "ok rawk you dont mind" , me "nope were not married or anything just as long as you extend the same to me" , her "ok thats fine" . A few weeks later , me "i am going to go have sex with that girl" , her "The fuck you are!", me "what the fuck are you taking about i gave you the same shit a few weeks ago", her "so i dont want you to , i changed my mind its not ok with me now", Me " so basicly its ok with you to go fuck anyone you want but its not ok for me to do the same ", her "yup pretty much "
You know there is more to tell , but suffuce it say i couldnt handle the emotinal blackmail or extortion from both of them. They both keep telling me that they are going to kill themselves i say so be it, they only tell me cause they know its one of my buttons. I am at the point of if they do it will not my fault, they made that choice. I did have it good in oak park but at what cost, my freedom , my ablity to make my own choices with out asking any one for permisson.
On the up side of things , i found the woman i am sopposed to be with and she finally found me and life is good , i have her to thank to give me the kick to the head to move out and stop being a door mat. She is wonderful woman, i try to tell her that everyday
In closing its been hell, but i got thought to find me and the place that i can finally call home after being adrift for so many years , and hey now that i dont have the girl hovering ove my shoulder everytime i blog i thing you will be seeing more of them in the times to come.
Fair Winds To Ye
Cristos
