CKG's blog: "Ramblings of a bored individual"

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of the Night". She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come

Murphys Sex Laws 1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again. 4. Sex has no calories. 5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. 6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. 8. No sex with anyone in the same office. 9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. 10. A man in the house is worth two in the street. 11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 12. Virginity can be cured. 13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. 14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. 15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later. 16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right. 17. It is always the wrong time of month. 18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms. 19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. 20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either. 21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. 22. The younger the better. 23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. 24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. 25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. 27. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs. 28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. 29. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught. 30. Love is a hole in the heart. 31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. 32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics. 33. Do it only with the best. 34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. 35. One good turn gets most of the blankets. 36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. 37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 39. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood. 40. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you. 41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. 42. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested. 43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t. 44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. 45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. 46. Never say no. 47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her. 48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. 49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. 50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. 51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. 52. Love comes in spurts. 53. The world does not revolve on an axis. 54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. 55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 56. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up. 57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. 58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. 59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. 60. “This won’t hurt, I promise,”

Message: This is what happened When she was alive... Her dad was a drunk Her mom was an addict Her parents kept her Locked in an attic Her only friend was a little toy bear It was old and worn out And had patches of hair She always talked to it When no one's around She lays there and hugs it Not a peep of sound Until her parents unlock the door Some more and more pain She'll have to endore A bruise on her leg A scar on her face Why would she be In such a horrible place? But she grabs her bear And softly crys She loves her parents But they want her to die She sits in the corner Quiet but thinking, "Please God, why is My life always sinking? " Such a bad life For a sad little kid She'd get beaten and beaten For anything she did Then one night Her mom came home high And the poor child was beaten As hours went by Then her mom suddenly Grabbed for a blade It was sharp and pointy One that she made She thrusted the blade Right in her chest, "You deserve to die You worthless pest!" The mom walked out Leaving the girl slowly dieing She grabbed her bear And again started crying Police showed up At the small little house Then quickly barged in Everything quiet as a mouse One officer slowly Opened a door To find the little girl Lieing on the floor It must have been bad To go through so much harm But at least she died With her best friend in her arms A child dies every day from child abuse. And if you have an ounce of pity in you for little Auroura and you hate child abuse with a passion you will repost this and help out those abused children and let them know that someone cared for them. It doesn't take that long only about 10 seconds so please just do it

TO A KEEPER! ,•´º o`•,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-•²°´ ¸,.-•~•~•-.,¸ `°²•-. :º° One day someone's mother died. And on that clear, cold morning, In the warmth of her bedroom, The daughter was struck with The pain of learning that sometimes There isn't any more. No more hugs, No more lucky moments to celebrate together, No more phone calls just to chat, No more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away. Never to return before we can say good-bye, Say "I Love You." ¸...¸ __/ /____ ,•´º o`•,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-•²°´ ¸,.-•~•~•-.,¸ `°²•-. :º° So while we have it . . it's best we love it . . And care for it and fix it when it's broken . And take good care of it when it's sick. This is true for marriage.... And friendships And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, Because we cherish them! ¸....¸ __/ /____ ,•´º o`• ,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-•²°´ ¸,.-•~• ~•-.,¸ `°²•-. :º° Some things we keep -- Like a best friend who moved away Or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that Make us happy, No matter what. ¸..¸ __/ /____ ,•´º o`•,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-•²°´ ¸,.-•~•~•-.,¸ `°²•-. :º° Life is important, And so are the people we know . And so, we keep them close! ¸...¸ __/ /____ ,•´º o`•,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-•²°´ ¸,.-•~•~•-.,¸ `°²•-. :º° I received this from someone today Who thought I was a 'KEEPER'! Then I sent It to the people I think of in the same way! Now it's your turn to send this to all those people Who are "keepers" in your life! You are definitely a keeper :)

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say ,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

One morning you will never wake up, do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again....... I LOVE YA!!! I will be waiting for you in Heaven & I hope your Mansion will be next to mine!!!

I Present To You, The Awesome Talented Landry Let Me lye Burst, Your are my Dark, My unknown , My Promise my down fall that My Heart will Burst, For I am Love that Has No Sympathy of Hurt, I will steal your emotions have you Lye Drown, On my dry Waste land That thirst for Blindness, I am the Unknown As you know your self in dark night meres, Let Me burst in your pressents That I will enjoy my failure, For you are my unknown My many peices I search blind, Let Me Lye Dead Dry On your waste land that you kwench your thirst. Let Me Burst so It's Know I once loved an Failed, CPR 2007 James Landry, Go Show Landry Some Love: Landry the Mastur Rater

@ CherryTAP He Rocks!!

I scored 37 =) 1. WHAT COLOR HAIR DO YOU HAVE? a Brown b Red c Blonde d Black e Other 2. OUT ON A DATE WOULD YOU WANT a Go to a party b Go out to eat 3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR OUT OF: a Baby-Pink b Yellow c Baby-Blue d Turquoise 4. PICK YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBY OUT OF: a Talking b Dancing c Taking Long Walks 5. IF YOU COULD PICK A STORE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING, WHICH WOULD IT BE? a Hollister b Old Navy c Abercrombie 6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING? a Hawaii b London c Florida 7. IN THE SUMMER WOULD YOU RATHER GO TO: a The Beach b Somewhere Cooler 8. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH? a January b February c March d April e May f June g July h August i September j October k November l December 9. WOULD YOU RATHER: a Chill at home b Go out with friends 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE INSTRUMENT OUT OF: a Guitar b Bass guitar c Drums d The Triangle 11) NAME A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX Pete **************************************************** **ANSWERS** ^_^ 1. a. brown= sexy [5points] b. red = smart [2 points] c. blonde= playful [4 points] d. black= caring [3 points] e. other = wild [5 points] 2 . a. go to a party = playful [2 points] b. go out to eat = romantic [5 points] 3. a. baby-pink = cute [2] b. yellow = loud [3] c. baby-blue = cool [5] d. turquoise = sexy [5] 4. a. Talking = active [2] b. Dancing = determined [2] c. Taking Long Walks = daring [5] 5. a. Hollister = tasteful [7] b.Old Navy= laid back [2] c. Abercrombie= stylish [5] 6. a. hawaii = you like being around people [2] b. London You are quiet, and like the cold [2] c. florida = You like to party! [5] 7. a. beach = tan, likes the sun [5] b. somewhere cooler = pale and original [2] 8. a. January = popular [5] b. February = lovely [2] c. March = rebellious [5] d. April = the person everyone loves!!! [5] e. May = happy [5] f. june = chills a lot [5] g. July = loser [0] Bull Shit =) h. August = ballin' [5] i. September = quiet [2] j. October = out-going [3] k. November = pimpin' it [5] l. December = warm [3] 9. a. home = quiet, romantic [3] b. go out with friends =crazy [5] 10. a. guitar = cool [3] b. bass-guitar = mellow [2] c. Drums = crazy [5] d. Triangle = simple [2] 11. This person will fall in LOVE with you! SCORES!!!! UP TO 17= LOUSY GET A LIFE MAN 18-20=OKAY 21-35 = Rather SEXY! 36+=REAAAAAAAALLLLLLY HOTT... SEXY !! LMAO

Who knows me best? the race is on......this is funny. YOU fill in the blanks about ME ... even if you don't have any idea....and send it back to ME (via reply). But first post a blank one out to all your friends so they can return the favor to you. Be honest and make sure you repost it blank in your own bulletin so I can do it for you! My name: Summarize me in three words: Where did we meet: Take a stab at my middle name: How long have you known me: When is the last time that we saw each other: Do I drink: Do I smoke: Am I happy: Am I a good person: What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me: What's one of my favorite things to do: Am I funny: How do you make me smile: What's my favorite type of music: Have you ever seen me cry: Can I sing?: What is the best feature about me: Am I shy or outgoing: Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: Do I have any special talents: Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what): Have you ever hugged me: Kissed me?: What is my favorite food: Have you ever had a crush on me: Am I dating anyone: If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: What's your favorite memory of me: What is my worst habit: Have you ever had a dream about me? If so, what?: If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring? Are we friends: Do I believe in God? Am I family oriented? Who is my best friend? Will you repost this so I can do it?