L He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
:L It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
<_> You can't have everything....where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
:O It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
:L Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood
alcohol content.
Marriage changes passion...
suddenly you're in bed with a relative!
I got a sweater for Christmas...
really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person wants to annoy you for the rest of their life.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
I married my Wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
:O Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
All 2 true What u think lol
