I am not really the type of woman who cries at the small things or gets upset because someone else is having a bad day...but recently...well in the last 6 months i noticed me becoming more and more aware of emotion. I am not refering to others emotions....rather, my own. I have always said that i have the gift of goodbye...i know that people come and go in your life...they will get out of you what is good for them...and for no reason dissappear...not that they are bad people...you just loose the "connection". My delima comes from not wanting to let go...not wanting to give up...but, the truth of the matter is I DID. i, in true fashion of myself(my selfish self)let go of people in my life when i was having it rough. I went through a very tough time(just stress and LIFE, and other things) about a month ago and during this time instead of relying on those close to me- i pushed them away. I, in my stressed out state, thought that if i could just handle my problems on my own- it would make everyones life easier- i would be percieved as a strong woman, instead, what happen was that i was looked at as weak and foolish and selfish- soooooo not what i was going for...LOL.
so i guess what i have realized is that i am not as strong as i make myself out to be...i cant be an island...i cant fix all my problems on my own and i do need other people in my life to survive...
This thing called life is squirley...when you think you are heading in the right direction...something else comes creeping up...you learn from your mistakes and pray that along the way you make the same mistake twice or hurt those you have hurt again...but you cant go back and change whats already been done, so you smile and say...this is me, i am not perfect, i never said i was...i will probably break someones heart, and i will have my broken too, i will scream at you when i should be crying to you, i will tell you i am strong and then crumble under the pressure...Love me or leave me...but dont expect me to hang on to hopes of the way things used to be...and i wont expect you to either...either you can move on with me or move out of the way- understanding that this thing called life is squirrely.
