Quips, quotes, witticisms and maxims of the Portly Irishman

(A note of caution here: there is some language that is rather strong and graphic at times and I intentionally have left it that way to share some of my thoughts with you in their unfiltered and rawest of forms, to do so differently I feel would be less than honest and I feel I would be doing a tremendous disservice)

This is an original piece by me that I decided to put together after a conversation that I had with a very dear friend of mine whom will always hold a very special place in my heart. Anyhow we were talking the other night and she asked me how I seem to cope with things and I basically said that a long time ago I learned to say “Fuck it” when it comes to things that are beyond my control.

Anyhow with all of that being said, I will share with all of you what makes this “Portly Irishman” a “Portly Irishman” or in other words, what makes me tick and the things that I live by.

1. Do No Harm: This means just what it says. Whether it is in word or deed. With me I have a penchant to crack a lot of jokes and I have also been known to push the envelope with some of the jokes that I make. I try very hard not to cross any boundaries but there are times that I foul up on this one and when I am called on it, I take responsibility and make amends to whoever I may have offended by my words or deeds.
2. Be honest with yourself and others: Don’t try to blow smoke up people’s asses, sooner or later they will catchon. And being honest with folks helps to weed out the real friends from the fakes. The real friends won’t give two shits if you have a checkered past or flaws and vulnerabilities. They will tend to accept you as you are and make adjustments if needed.
3. This is real life; it is NOT a dress rehearsal: Whatever is going on in your life is very real, live and unscripted. Learn to roll with it.
4. Try not to take life too seriously; you are not going to get out of it alive : Need I say more? If you stay too focused on what is shitty in life, you are probably going to miss out on the pleasant and fun things.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say: Don’t beat around the bush with folks, all it does is waste their time and yours.
6. Maintain a sense of humor: This really helps to deal with all of the bullshit and drama that goes on. Serves as a very handy safety valve to let off some steam. Beats the hell out of stepping out in front of a bus.
7. Avoid toxic situations and people: My dad told me a long time ago “If you lay down with dogs, sooner or later you will get fleas.” I make it a point to avoid situations and people that are toxic. One thing that I have learned from associating with people that are of a toxic nature is that sooner or later they will drag you down with them. As an example, my ex-wife had a penchant for getting herself into all sorts of trouble and I repeatedly found myself getting caught in the middle of it and I paid a very heavy price for that.
8. Have compassion for others but do NOT be a sucker for their “SOB” stories: Some people are very good at tugging at others heartstrings to get what they want. I was one of those who was very good at falling for the “SOB” stories and a willingness to move heaven and earth to help someone. Now when I hear a story I look upon with a great deal more skepticism. Basically it is a case of using my head for something else besides a hat rack.
9. Use your head for something besides a hat rack: When dealing with others, especially when they are sharing “tales of woe”, think things through very carefully before taking any action and always keep a clear and level head. It is really easy to get sucked in if you are not careful.
10. Avoid drama and “drama queens”: This is generally nothing but a HUGE pain in the ass and you sure as hell don’t need it. Getting mixed up with this will probably cause you an awful lot of sleepless nights which you don’t need. One thing that I have noticed with drama queens is they are very good at manipulating a situation to serve their own interests with no regard for others and if you do something to put the brakes on it then you suddenly become the bad guy.
11. Know your limitations: Another thing that my dad once told me, “Sonny, 90% of being smart is in knowing what you are dumb at.” I recall him telling me that when I was around 20 years old and it took about 10 years for that to sink in and that was about 3 years after he passed away. Knowing what your limitations are and what your weaknesses are will help to keep you from getting in over your head.
12. Don’t let what others say or think about you get you down: There are people out there who try to make themselves feel good by running others down and making the people that they trash feel poorly about themselves. Don’t give them the satisfaction. You and only you really know who the hell you are. NEVER let others dictate who you are. Basically people like that are just nothing but total assholes and sooner or later they will hang themselves with what they say if you give them enough rope.
13. Never bring a knife to a gunfight: In dealing with others where there is a potential for a tense or stressful confrontation, choose your words CAREFULLY. What you say may come back to bite your right square in the ass. Case in point, ex-wife’s sister launched into a rather nasty verbal attack with me and this was after I had reached out to help the woman with an issue that she had going on in her life. Anyhow she proceeds to attack my character and reputation and I did my level best to stay calm even though I was boiling mad inside and finally I had quite enough of her little diatribe and I proceeded to remind her of a little skeleton that she had hidden in her closet and when I brought it out there was instant silence from her after she called me a couple of very nasty names for saying that. Oh well, this is a key reason why you never bring a knife to a gunfight. Or to put it all another way, for every finger that you point at someone else, there are three of them pointing back at you and that is NOT a pleasant feeling. We all have skeletons in our closet, so if you don’t want yours brought out, don’t bring out other peoples skeletons.
14. Learn to accept yourself: In my case, I know that I am not getting any younger and I don’t have the looks that I had when I was younger or the body either. It seems that my six pack abs have been traded in for a beer keg and I am not quite as tall as I would like to be nor do I look like a movie star or am I built like a Greek god, but that’s OK. I got what I got and I might as well learn to make the best use of it. So I just learn to play the hand that I have been dealt with to the best of my ability and go from there.
15. “Illegitime non carborundum”: or “Don’t let the bastards wear you down”, there are people out there who seem to have nothing better to do than to run other people down and talk shit about others. I know that I have had my share of assholes who have done that shit to me and I am not at the point where I no longer give two sweet shits about them or what they say. When they start doing that kind of stuff it only shows to prove what kind of lowlife assholes they really are and if you let what they say get you down, then the bastards have won. Don’t give the assholes the satisfaction! Hell don’t even give them the time of day.

There will be more to come but for now I figured that I would start off with this and give you all some time to digest this before I begin my next installment.