In the dark...out beyond the field of vision...in that little spot where spots begin to dance before your eyes and your imagination takes control and things that aren't there begin to move...what waits for us? What lingers beyond our dim line of sight, laughing? Is it our pains? Our fears? Is there even anything there at all?
In a dying world, we reach out for someone...something...to hold...to grasp...to touch. But we are still alone. None can step into our heart, mind, and soul enough to become us. In the end...what if it really is just ourselves we have in mind?
How do you speak of your pain when there are no words to describe it? When you lie awake at night and your mind wanders toward some gaping chasm asking...what if? What if you close your eyes and wake up on the other side? What if you wake up and everything you've built falls around you...a lost and crumbling empire...and the only artifact of it is the painful memory of a loss oyu wish you'd never known? What if everything you love and hold dear and treasure...is torn away from you like the leaf from the tree in the slightest of autumn winds?
I reach out into the darkness, trembling, but for as far as I reach in all directions there's nothing there. Only my demons, only my mind, only the echoing shadows to haunt me.
When I hold her in my arms...I hold everything...my fears, my dreams, my future, all my yesterdays and todays. When she looks at me and asks what I'm, what my problem is...all I can say is nothing. Because really...all it is is the mind playing in that cyclonic field of fears and doubts...all it is is the past dancing like a gibbering hyena in my head.
Do you trust in happiness, when you've always been told you'll never be happy? Do you trust in the best, when you've been told you'll never have the best...that you're mediocre and that's all you'll ever have? Do you trust in heaven, when you've fought in hell all your life? Can you understand what it is to be a demon in that level of hell where everything...food, water, shelter...is a constant battle to obtain, where it's all a fight to the death every second of every moment of your life just to have your basic needs? And can you imagine what it is to be placed in a world where that is all provided for you...where nothing is there to attempt to steal it? Where when you lay your head down to sleep..you can for once know that rest might steal upon you...that you no longer need to sleep with one eye open and both hands on your sword?
