its hard not to hate, people, things, institutions when they break your spirit, and take pleasure and watch you bleed. Hate is the only feeling that makes sense. but i know what hate does to a man, it tears them apart and turns them into something he is not, something he promised himself he never become. this is what im trying to tell you, to let you know how hard i'm trying not cave under the weight of the awful things i feel in my heart. sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act. what i feel slamming up against what i should do, the impulsive of reactions racing to solutions miles ahead of my brain in what i should do. when i look at my day, i realize most of it was spend cleaning up the damage of the day before. in that life i have no future, all i have is distraction and remorse. i berried my best friend a week ago and cliche as it sounds a part of me was in that box. the part i barely knew. The part i will never see again. every day is a new box, you open it and take a look what's inside and your the one to determine if it is a gift or a coffin.