Punishment (from the Greek poine [penalty] and the Latin punio) in the ethical sense is an act of some discomfort administered to or required of a person who has committed an offence or transgression for which there was a prior knowledge of a regulation or policy defining the act or omission as a "crime" or "prohibited."
Punishments can include "restitution" (i.e. repayment), being "bound" (i.e. confinement), being made to perform some "service" on behalf of the victim or community, or they may be physical, mental, or spiritual or emotional in nature.
Punishments may be administered formally (ritualized, as in a trial under law) or unceremoniously (such as taking a person and swiftly delivering a spanking having been caught in the act of some ‘wrong’).
In the D/s relationship realm, punishments are commonly intended as either a form of behavior modification (sanctioned by the D/M with the intention of preventing future similar acts or omissions) or as a way for a submissive to obtain "closure" on the offence (if she confesses and requests an act of closure).. Submissives often crave punishment when they have committed errors, actions, omissions, and other similar misdeeds that evidence displeasure in the eyes of Master, and therefore occasionally seek "closure" or repayment in her mind and/or with her body.
When things that are unpleasurable to most people bend into total SM relationships, the term "punishment" must be redefined for that pair bond–lest the "punishment" become a "reward" and unsuitable for any form of corrective action.
Our focus here is on the use of assorted punishments (to possibly cover some of the SM variations), on the ethical application of punishments, and on the subject of "closure" to the benefit of the pair bond.
First, there are some words within the lifestyle that occasionally are misused or interchanged that, in conjunction with training, are distinctly different activities. 'Discipline' may be used within the lifestyle as either a noun or a verb. As a noun, its meaning is most accurately described as "control gained by obedience (by the D/M over the submissive) or training (with the submissive having "discipline" as a result of the training)"; or as a verb "to have discipline" in the form of "exercising self control." In either case it accurately justifies the behavior and thought process of a submissive person who wants to please, and has been trained how to do just that.
With or having been given "discipline," the submissive will NOT need correction or punishment at every turn. Developing "full" discipline within their submissive is a primary objective of most D/M’s in training.
"Correction" (adjective) means most accurately "to make right." When making a course correction in an automobile, one merely slightly or moderately applies just a bit of pressure to the steering wheel. In correcting a submissive, a D/M will often use simple verbal cues to tell a partner that another course of action is preferred. Communication is a critical component, because early in a relationship it is often the fault of the MASTER when the sub performs poorly. Corrective techniques, however mild or severe, are his domain entirely–and if he neglects making them, he has no one to blame but himself if performance is sub-standard.
Upon noting an errant behavior, it is the D/M's responsibility to inform the sub of the problem. Even after that, repeated misbehaviors could indicate that the D/M was not clear in His instructions. The communications channel must therefore be open long before using any punishment stronger than verbal warnings and mild corrective actions.
Corrective (non-physical) training methods are many, and may include scoldings, corner time, revocation of privileges, denial of touch or denial of the other rewards associated with proper behavior, etc.
For punishments to be effective, and ethical, the D/M probably should establish the training program to put the emphasis on positive reinforcement techniques, rather than punishment. Early in the communication process, the D/M should identify what the sub enjoys, and lavish the rewards upon her for developing self discipline in task completion, pleasures, and etc.. Doing good for no gain, while getting punished for every bad deed, makes the D/M not much fun to be with, puts relationship stress on the couple, and can emotionally damage the submissive.
Physical punishments, when used in the context of typical D/s, situations (the needs of masochists and sadists notwithstanding) are a more severe way to modify behavior. They deliver a strong message that something was very wrong in a particular act or omission.
Couples should spend ample time discussing what is expected, required and desired in a D/s relationship. Establishing boundaries is the best way to prevent misunderstandings, and to make both parties aware of limits, expectations, etc. The D/M with a written training plan is far less likely to be misunderstood. The D/M should remind the submissive to regularly review (at least weekly early on) the training manual (which can be modified during any stage of the relationship). This keeps all the information FRESH in his/her mind.
A well-read sub is a well-trained and disciplined sub, with the added bonus that the words "I forgot" can never be an excuse. Indeed, the use of such excuses for failure to perform can themselves be grounds for punishment.
The D/M will earn respect by providing consistent and prompt correction and punishment. A lack of guidance will never be an excuse, and the submissive will willingly accept (without complaint) a punishment for which she recognizes the policy for in advance. The sub will eventually be so in-sync with the D/M that she will recognize her own errors before the D/M does. She may then either correct herself, or bring the matter to you as a confession with evidence of her self-correction. In that case, you know your training has been effective, and your sub is completely in harmony with your will.
Pleasing one another, or "mutual needs fulfillment," should be the goal of any M/s or D/s relationship. The Master who looks for every excuse to punish his one will soon find himself in the singles bars again, wondering why she left. A loving sub is not to be abused, and punishment–especially if unnecessarily harsh, unjustified based on the D/M’s own failures in instructions, etc. is tantamount to abuse. She is to be guided and made aware of your ways, and already wants to please you. The mere raising of your voice is often enough to put her in tears. She is sorry when she does not make you happy.
