It's amazing to me. I fall into the same trap as everyone else. Oh 2009 was total dog shit, so 2010 will be fuckin great. Well if the first 8 days are any indication, I totally deluded myself. Yeah, I have already had ups, but the downs are what get ya. My kids are still my kids. My mom is more psycho than ever, or maybe I am getting more delusional and psycho and just think its everyone else. Maybe my hatred of the world and the trust I've had from friends and lovers alike that ALWAYS gets betrayed is all my fault. Maybe my rage and anger is not justified. Maybe my marriage and my relationship with Erin would have worked if I was sane. Maybe H and R block loosing my taxes from last year is a delusion in my own head. Maybe getting fired for NO damn reason is still my fault somehow. Maybe ,my mom is right. Maybe I do walk in the house and start yelling and bringing everybody down with out me knowin I'm doin it. Maybe I lost it a loooooooong time ago. Who knows, maybe I'm sittin in a padded cell somewhere in a fuckin straight jacket and I'm not even typin this blog. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I dropped some acid when I was 15 and this half of my life has been one big trip, and I'll come down any time now. Maybe I should do a big pile o cocaine and try to see the world like everyone else. Maybe this IS life. Maybe I'm destined to die alone livin in a shack on the top of a mountain somewhere livin off of bark and roasted rat, along side my pet raccoon.