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Nash's blog: "I MUST BE LONELY!"

created on 09/14/2006  |  http://fubar.com/i-must-be-lonely/b239
>>If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous >>erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff >>had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind tends to see >>things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals. Here are some of his >>gems: >> >>1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. >> >>2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. >> >>3- Half the people you know are below average. >> >>4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. >> >>5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. >> >>6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. >> >>7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. >> >>8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. >> >>9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. >> >>10 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Think about this one a little, it is great) >> >>11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. >> >>12- OK, so what's the speed of dark? >> >>13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? >> >>14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked >>something. >> >>15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. >> >>16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. >> >>17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. >> & gt;>18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. >> >>19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good. >> >>20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? >> >>21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. >> >>22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? >> >>23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your >>horn louder." >> >>24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? >> >>25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. >> >>26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. >> >>27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. >> >>28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the >>bread. >> >>29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is >>research. >> >>30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. >> >>31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. >> >>32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on >>it. >> >>33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. >> >>34- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights >>work?
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