spiker's blog: "Profanius Definitions"

Plumbago Painful ache in the Gladstones caused by over revving the spoof engines without releasing the Horse's handbrake. Lover's nuts, bluestones, tease-ache

Friggonometry The precise science involved in selecting and arranging one's fingers at the correct angle whilst diddling a rude lady's devil's doorbell.

Chicago Shuffle A preeverted act, whereby a lady traps a gentleman's member under her arm before shuffling a pack of cards. A Las Vegas bagpipe, a Monte Carlo musclefook.

NYPD Blue A bunk up, where the pokee assumes the position of someone being frisked by NYPD's finest, against the wall or across the bonnet of a car.

Lava lamp 1. A kitch electrical appliance that was all the rage in the 1960s, and again now. 2. The appearance of the bath after one has waxed the dolphin in it.